Published November 7, 2006
Every time i see you
I can't help but to stare
The whole room lights up
And my heart starts to repair
But every time I see you
I can't help but to think
That you don't know who i am
And that you'll never notice me.
Your haunting me
And I don't know why
But your driving me insane,
And I don't wanna say goodbye.
Every time I see you
My heart does a dance,
When ever that happens
I go into a trance.
You're the reason I smile ever day.
You're the reason I've got to stay
All I know is I like you
Other than that I'm just confused.
You keep me from my knife.
Even though you don't try,
You are the savior of my life.
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141,360 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
I agree. That part is thrown off a little. I think the problem may be that third line, maybe rephrase it?
Also, I'm not really sure if you really meant Savior or Savor. If you really did mean Savor...it would be very confusing.
Otherwise, I approve as well!
I like to see that it's not your usual depressing stuff. It's pretty positive and that's increasingly harder to find in poetry.
I don't like this part much:
It doesn't flow right. That's just my opinion though. I like the bit about the knife, even if it is an "eye-roller". Since you only mention it once, it seems okay.
As always,
POKE
Good job! It's REALLY good! Don't like the knife part but otherwise...