Published November 11, 2006
The stars. They are the moment,
The future and the past.
They shine on you from heaven
And forever last.
The moment is the future,
The past just melts away.
It sweeps you through the ocean
And guide you, it just may...
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141,360 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
I think it was just a little thing that I wrote. I didn't much think about what it meant. I think I was just trying to say that you can't change the past, and have to embrace the future and enjoy the moment. I guess the last two lines are trying to say that what you've done in the past can help you in the future...I don't really know how else to put it! Thanks for the comment... and any more ideas would be great!
Cathy
I'd have to agree with Dream Deep... The imagery is pretty, but this poem doesn't really have much meaning... It's hard to tell what you're trying to convey. I don't want to sound too harsh; I did like this. The rhyme and rhythm were very well done. I just didn't think the poem's message was very clear.
So, this isn't the most deep and moving poem, but perhaps that's not what you were going for. If you just intended for this to be a simple, pretty rhyme, than you've done quite well.
Keep writing!
cathy,I didn't understand the punctuation. In the last stanza, the line about the ocean did not fit in the poem. The poem is about stars. You could keep the line, but you could change ocean to something like galaxy or universe. Over all, I liked the star metaphors.-London
I like the rhythm in the poem. The imagery was nice but the ending seemed some what incomplete.
I'm... not sure you get much across with this.
The imagery was pretty nice, but overall it did not have a feel that made you want to read it again or kept it fixed in your mind. Good for an exercise and good as a warm-up piece, but I'm not sure this will stand alone as poetry.
I apologise if this sounds unduly rude, because I truly do like your style, I'm just not sure that this worked out. ^_~
~Dream Deep
Mm I have to agree with the confusing last line. And the line "the moment is the future"...I feel like you were just trying to find something to fill in that line with, confusing. And also that on the last line I think you may have been trying to hard to rhyme away and may...try thinking of something else.
Happy Editing!
I relaly like this, its simple and effective, although im not too sure about the last line? It confused me...but hey a great poem overall!