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Re: If i
I have to agree with griffinkeeper. As far as I know, flamingo's do not have four legs, have lips or live in the desert...which kind of makes the analogy pointless ...
Dec 12, 2006 -
Re: Moon
I’ve never felt as warm As I do now And never been so warmed Than underneath your Bouncing, hyperactive light I'm not much for the last line above, it's very ...
Dec 10, 2006 -
Re: I Picked It Up and Threw It Back
While I was reading this is kind of struck me as more of a set of lyrics than a poem. For it to be a poem, it would need for ...
Dec 9, 2006 -
Re: Thanks Dad
I understand your feelings here in this poem... believe me , I understand. But, that said... I hope you understand that the YWS is a place for writers to improve ...
Dec 8, 2006 -
Re: Freshly Brewed Tea For Two
I'm having a hard time reading this as a poem; it's more like a story with spaces between paragraphs. Other than that....I really couldn't make it through the content due ...
Dec 4, 2006 -
Re: The Way It Is
I, and I say this everytime I crit such a poem, am not a fan of short poems. So I often don't have much to say to them. But, I ...
Dec 3, 2006 -
Re: Bully
I do agree with it being cliche', but what else is knew! haha. But also the content is a little shaky here. It starts out ver good, and then the ...
Dec 3, 2006 -
Re: No Words
I like the idea here. However, besides the first two lines and the last two lines--which happen to be the same--there is no poetry. These are paragraphs. My advice would ...
Dec 3, 2006 -
Re: Gorgotten
It is very short. Personally, I do not have a particular liking for poems of this length--but I'll take this into context anywho. First, disappear--not disapear. And for the small ...
Dec 3, 2006 -
Re: Fire
I really don't know what to say to this, other than...no. While I was reading it, my face was permanently formed in a 'what the crap?!' expression. really, someone should ...
Nov 25, 2006 -
Re: Lonely
My thoughts differ quite a lot on this. I really can't decide if I like it or not. Few pointers though.. that make me whole again these two lines kind ...
Nov 21, 2006 -
Re: Unknown
I really didn't like this. The rhythm was off [of course...could entirely also be the fact that trace atkins is playing in the background while I am readin it], it ...
Nov 21, 2006 -
Re: Wordmaker
This is odd. And much like a chant..." Who are we? The Knights! What are we going to do? Win! How are we going to do it ?" ...etc. I ...
Nov 19, 2006 -
Re: Popular
I like the message, as most have said. But you have a few rhythm problems and some rhyming issues. Also, there are a few places that could use a little ...
Nov 19, 2006 -
Re: What is Normal?
This is kind of...boring. It's been done a million times and you have not offered any kind of originality or new creativity to make it special. This is more telling ...
Nov 19, 2006
