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  • Poetry » Other, General Re: If i

    I have to agree with griffinkeeper. As far as I know, flamingo's do not have four legs, have lips or live in the desert...which kind of makes the analogy pointless ...

    Dec 12, 2006
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Moon

    I’ve never felt as warm As I do now And never been so warmed Than underneath your Bouncing, hyperactive light I'm not much for the last line above, it's very ...

    Dec 10, 2006
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: I Picked It Up and Threw It Back

    While I was reading this is kind of struck me as more of a set of lyrics than a poem. For it to be a poem, it would need for ...

    Dec 9, 2006
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Thanks Dad

    I understand your feelings here in this poem... believe me , I understand. But, that said... I hope you understand that the YWS is a place for writers to improve ...

    Dec 8, 2006
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Freshly Brewed Tea For Two

    I'm having a hard time reading this as a poem; it's more like a story with spaces between paragraphs. Other than that....I really couldn't make it through the content due ...

    Dec 4, 2006
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: The Way It Is

    I, and I say this everytime I crit such a poem, am not a fan of short poems. So I often don't have much to say to them. But, I ...

    Dec 3, 2006
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Bully

    I do agree with it being cliche', but what else is knew! haha. But also the content is a little shaky here. It starts out ver good, and then the ...

    Dec 3, 2006
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: No Words

    I like the idea here. However, besides the first two lines and the last two lines--which happen to be the same--there is no poetry. These are paragraphs. My advice would ...

    Dec 3, 2006
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: Gorgotten

    It is very short. Personally, I do not have a particular liking for poems of this length--but I'll take this into context anywho. First, disappear--not disapear. And for the small ...

    Dec 3, 2006
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: Fire

    I really don't know what to say to this, other than...no. While I was reading it, my face was permanently formed in a 'what the crap?!' expression. really, someone should ...

    Nov 25, 2006
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Lonely

    My thoughts differ quite a lot on this. I really can't decide if I like it or not. Few pointers though.. that make me whole again these two lines kind ...

    Nov 21, 2006
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Unknown

    I really didn't like this. The rhythm was off [of course...could entirely also be the fact that trace atkins is playing in the background while I am readin it], it ...

    Nov 21, 2006
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Wordmaker

    This is odd. And much like a chant..." Who are we? The Knights! What are we going to do? Win! How are we going to do it ?" ...etc. I ...

    Nov 19, 2006
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: Popular

    I like the message, as most have said. But you have a few rhythm problems and some rhyming issues. Also, there are a few places that could use a little ...

    Nov 19, 2006
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: What is Normal?

    This is kind of...boring. It's been done a million times and you have not offered any kind of originality or new creativity to make it special. This is more telling ...

    Nov 19, 2006


If you are tired remember it's a sign that you haven't expired
— fatherfig