Young Writers Society

I like the message, as most have said.

But you have a few rhythm problems and some rhyming issues. Also, there are a few places that could use a little more imagery, explaining, or something...because you read them and them automatically say 'amateur'.

I liked the first stanza the best...but there were a few lines within it that were stretched out too far--cut them down. But after the first couple stanzas...it kind of went south in the way of power, I guess.

Nice message though!

its a good poem with a good message
being individial is the most important thing
keep writing yr good

Some are kind, generous, and nice.
They would never treat someone like ice.

Fantasyfreak14 wrote:High heels and miniskirts
Never were my style.
As for eyeshadow and nailpolish
I'll put them on once in awhile.
But to put them on every school day
Would be a hassle, don't you think?
And wouldn't it be astounding to find
At least one of your accessories is pink?
Not all of this is true, of course.
It's merely people's opinion.
But one thing's for sure,
Popularity isn't everything.

Those who think it is,
Are extremely rude and mean.
Putting people down is what they call their game.
Not all are like this.
Some are kind, generous, and nice.
They would never treat someone like ice.
No matter what I do
I could never live up to their standards.
I've never wanted and never will
Be one of them.

I have no infectious laugh
No looks to catch anyone's eyes.
And then of course, there's the guys.
Their boyfriends, their friends, the guys.
I had never talked to them in elementary.
I suddenly found myself face to face with them.
Trapped.
Like a cornered wolf.
Unsure of what to say or act around them.

It's not all like this.
Not the ones who are like you.
You can talk to them.
You don't feel awkward.
You're not interested in them.
They're not interested in you.
The mean girls make fun of you for this.
For not wearing make-up.
For being shy.
For being afraid of balls in sports.

Ignore them.
Don't listen to them.
Just be yourself.
Even ignore the looks on their faces.
The looks that tell you
You never were
And never will
Be popular.

I'm happy the way I am.
Just being myself.
For I could never handle the pressure
And the drama of being a popular girl.

hmm...the rythm was a tad off in some places and the rhyming scheme kept changing. Try sticking to either freeverse or ryming couplets etc. in the future. However i do get the message and i did like it.

Hi Fantasyfreak14,


What is this stuff? S1L2 is the end of this poem--the rest is filler. There's no doubt you have potential, but it is not enough to save this.

Future attempts at poetry might include fitting the piece to the point.


Better luck next time,
Brad

Your rhyme scheme is perhaps a bit off in places, but the message...

Ah, I believe we've met in a previous life. I think I may have tried to get this came point across once, only I did it in a much less elegant and more inflammatory way. ^_~ Wonderful, Fantasy, simply wonderful.

I've tried to say this sort of thing to people -- though somehow I've always managed to screw it up. Well done. ^_^ Very well done.