The Way It Is

I don't know if that's any better but it just kinda hit me all of a sudden.

It was sort of short, but I liked it. If I were you, I'd add on to this poem and expound on uit, because from what I read, it was well written and It had a good idea. I want more, so get too it. ^_^ Good job.

Thanks peoples.

I wrote this for my Creative writing class and it had to be 4 lines or less. But i agree with the confusion. I lost it's meaning a while ago but i was happy i managed to get something out. Anywho I'll think on it and see what i can come up with.

Thanks again.

I hesitate to critique this for the simple reason that I find it hard to know what to say. That is, as write me said, it's clear how you *want* these lines to connect, but the fact that they dont makes them hard to approach from a critical standpoint.

Your idea is clear and strong, but your language is loaded and you dont give us enough material to work with. If I were you, I would expand this to show us, rather than tell us. As it is, it kind of reads like a semi-cryptic piece of graffiti. And I say semi-cryptic because although you name no names, it's kind of obvious who you're talking about. A better approach might be to come right out and say it, rather than insult our intelligence by pretending to play games.

Yeah. This needs to be a bit more of a poem before I can really crit properly.

Cheers,
~bubbles

I, and I say this everytime I crit such a poem, am not a fan of short poems. So I often don't have much to say to them.

But, I have to agree that the lines here just don't connect...at all. I can see how you want them to connect, but three lines is not going to do it. =/

Firstly, this poem is somewhat depressing. Secondly, I dont' have a lot of critiquing to do, for three lines. Ah, well, here goes.

Under the pressure of a million eyes