Young Writers Society

It's interesting, but I think you ended too aburptly and it needs someting more, to flow into a smoother ending.

Hope this helped

When you say "Your no better than me", it needs to say "You're no better.." It's You are no better, not your no...

Anyways, regardless of what they ^^^ say, I LOVED it. It was really good.

Pandora

I completely agree with everyone else. This poem is good, but doesn't have enough imagry, is not very exiting, and is very cliche. Now, on to the critiquing.

Your no better than me.
But I guess,

The malice in your eyes,
Tells me differently.
Coward.

Yes, very cliched. The whole 'malice' in the eyes thing doesn't really makes sense... it wouldn't be malice coming from a coward. Malice indicates will, albeit will toward evil, but still will... a coward wouldn't have much will of their own. Also:

The malice in your eyes,
Tells me differently.

I can suss your weaknesses,
As fast as the speed of light.

But I guess,
You like to think you are.

I do agree with it being cliche', but what else is knew! haha.

But also the content is a little shaky here. It starts out ver good, and then the lines about the bully's eyes kind of throws it off and it kind of stays with that uneven playing field from there on. Also, the ending is not very dramatic. The build-up here promises a very 'kapow' ending, and the reader is a little letdown by it.

Happy Editing!
Meg

it's... cliche. honestly, if i were you i would re-wite it completely. sorry i am useless.

-P

thank you!!! xxx

I have noticed a huge increase on bullying stories and poems on here! But this is good, although i hate to say it to you, i think this kind of poem has already been done before, your other poems are somewhat original, i thin kyou can add and achieve alot more on this, atleast i hope you can your my favourite poet/writer on this site!