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  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: The Beggar

    This was a beautiful piece, and was interestingly worded. However, I have a word of advice for you: Shy away from cliche phrases. By this, I mean "concrete jungle", etc. ...

    Jul 29, 2010
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Empty Music

    Honestly, I really don't agree with the first review... the spit was not disgusting. That's ridiculous. I will say, however, that the part about the "best friend" was somewhat random, ...

    Jul 29, 2010
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: My Eyes See You.

    Interesting poetic prose... I would consider capitalizing "I" throughout the poem.. the difference was somewhat distracting for me, despite it's being such a minor detail. I also think that you ...

    Jul 28, 2010
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Untitled Poem

    I too would suggest that you consider omitting the rhyme scheme. I think that it would improve the piece altogether.. However, if you feel that it is necessary, I would ...

    Jul 23, 2010
  • Short Story » Romantic, General Re: A Walk to Remember

    Very good piece, especially for your first short at a short story. I would consider adding in a bit more description, some more thoughts and reactions like you had at ...

    Jul 20, 2010
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Dance of the Seven Veils

    I was actually about to point out what the comment before me did. Also, I have to say, the lack of articles did bother me.. it was just awkward reading ...

    Jul 11, 2010
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: Life of a Weapon of Mass Destruction

    Interesting topic and perspective... I like it. c: The rhyme scheme was tight and concise, and created a great flow for your piece. There was little emotion in this piece, ...

    Jul 10, 2010
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: That Night

    I don't think that you need to lengthen this at all, simply rearrange it into smaller lines. The way that you have it now doesn't really create a flow. I ...

    Jul 10, 2010
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: -deleted-

    The first couple of lines, while sounding cool, don't really make sense. You said "our" at the end of the first line, but "our" what? Did you mean us? That ...

    Jul 10, 2010
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Mud mauled cuddle balls

    This is absolutely adorable. I loved this piece- it was sweet, concise, tightly woven, and just overall so well written. Great emotions, imagery, and flow... great job. :)

    Jul 8, 2010
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Please Check out Sea Ballet Instead

    I think that this piece is quite good, but has the potential to be incredible. The imagery that you've used so far is extremely vivid, and effective in setting a ...

    Jul 8, 2010
  • Lyrics » General, General Re: Moonlight Running.

    I think this is quite good as a poem, and even better as lyrics. The repetition wasn't overdone, and was placed properly. The only thing I would suggest to watch ...

    Jul 8, 2010
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: An Earthbound Angel

    I think that while this could have been more poetically written, this piece was beautiful. It was more prose than anything else, but absolutely fantastic prose. The person you described ...

    Jul 7, 2010
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: ....

    This piece was great-- the rhyming scheme was really smooth, seemed almost flawless in its subtlety. There was only one area that seemed a bit forced: He says that I ...

    Jul 7, 2010
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: z

    First of all, I want to say, if you haven't been writing poetry before, don't expect masterpieces. It took me forever to be even remotely okay with the poetry I ...

    Jul 7, 2010


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