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This was a beautiful piece, and was interestingly worded. However, I have a word of advice for you: Shy away from cliche phrases. By this, I mean "concrete jungle", etc. ...

Honestly, I really don't agree with the first review... the spit was not disgusting. That's ridiculous. I will say, however, that the part about the "best friend" was somewhat random, ...

Interesting poetic prose... I would consider capitalizing "I" throughout the poem.. the difference was somewhat distracting for me, despite it's being such a minor detail. I also think that you ...

I too would suggest that you consider omitting the rhyme scheme. I think that it would improve the piece altogether.. However, if you feel that it is necessary, I would ...

Very good piece, especially for your first short at a short story. I would consider adding in a bit more description, some more thoughts and reactions like you had at ...

I was actually about to point out what the comment before me did. Also, I have to say, the lack of articles did bother me.. it was just awkward reading ...

Interesting topic and perspective... I like it. c: The rhyme scheme was tight and concise, and created a great flow for your piece. There was little emotion in this piece, ...

I don't think that you need to lengthen this at all, simply rearrange it into smaller lines. The way that you have it now doesn't really create a flow. I ...

The first couple of lines, while sounding cool, don't really make sense. You said "our" at the end of the first line, but "our" what? Did you mean us? That ...

This is absolutely adorable. I loved this piece- it was sweet, concise, tightly woven, and just overall so well written. Great emotions, imagery, and flow... great job. :)

I think that this piece is quite good, but has the potential to be incredible. The imagery that you've used so far is extremely vivid, and effective in setting a ...

I think this is quite good as a poem, and even better as lyrics. The repetition wasn't overdone, and was placed properly. The only thing I would suggest to watch ...

I think that while this could have been more poetically written, this piece was beautiful. It was more prose than anything else, but absolutely fantastic prose. The person you described ...

This piece was great-- the rhyming scheme was really smooth, seemed almost flawless in its subtlety. There was only one area that seemed a bit forced: He says that I ...

First of all, I want to say, if you haven't been writing poetry before, don't expect masterpieces. It took me forever to be even remotely okay with the poetry I ...