Published July 29, 2010
Shabby clothes meander along
the concrete jungle's rivers' banks,
carrying within them the forgotten shell
of what used to be a cherished soul.
Driven on by need, and only by need,
they grovel bitterly before those more fortunate
For mere spare change and piecemeal.
Beneath the garments lay sorrowful eyes
seeking for redemption, a second chance.
But yet, their pleas go unheard,
for the high-nosed sit aloof
in their mechanical beasts of burden,
sealed away from the unpleasant and the unsettling.
They ask themselves the question:
“If a forlorn man were to cry out,
would the blissful have heard?”
The answer: both yes and no.
For to hear and to listen
are very, very different things.
As the moon's chilling rays
descend upon the urban sprawl,
the eyes seek no longer,
having acquiesced the truth:
a beggar begs for more than the materialistic,
a beggar begs for their humanity.
And so the eyes shut,
in hopes of tomorrow being generous,
or perhaps the next day,
or maybe even the day after that.
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140,218 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
i like this one!!! it gives us inspiration that we, ourselves are lucky to live a life to the fullest. tnks ^^
i like this a lot .
it's a very chilling piece, nicely done
it flowed well
it was easy to read
and you really get a sense of the hard life a beggar lives.
just a side thought, isn't it interesting where writer get inspiration.
good job
~Adeera~
Hi Scien! Welcome to the Young Writers' Society! I must say, this is fabulous! Where did you get the inspiration to write this? I see just one (maybe two) mistake(s).
By "the concrete jungle," I am assuming you mean New York City. NYC is lined by two major rivers: the Hudson River and the East River. Which are you referring to? If you are referring to both, your punctuation of the possesive form of "rivers" is correct, but if you are referring to one or another, it should be "river's."
The rest of the poem is in the present tense, so the word "lay" should be changed to "lie."
Overall, this is nothing less than a gorgeous poem, and I look forward to seeing more of your work (and some reviews, too)!
Hi Scien :] Im wondering, is your username short for science? Anyways, it sounds cool. Alright, about your poem: (Corrections/comments in bold)
Wow, you really have a way with words. I loved the way you described the world through the beggar's eyes.
-Ace
This was a beautiful piece, and was interestingly worded. However, I have a word of advice for you: Shy away from cliche phrases. By this, I mean "concrete jungle", etc. While it is an extremely image evoking phrase, it also takes away from the creativity of the piece.
Otherwise, excellently done.
Coral