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Young Writers Society



Moonlight Running.

by CardDragon


Now Its dark and now I know we should have gone to the park.

But we we should climb up the the ark

and kiss in the dark.

The shadows lark and when they fade they'll take us to morning,

when it is not to dark to go to the park.


But one problem you're not there ,sleeping in your room with your teddy bear.

who has lost almost all its hair, from the time you haven't been there.


Don't give up. not ever and not here.

(I love you dear.)

Don't give up, not ever and not wherever you are.

Because I'll be there.

( I miss touching your hair.)


Now there ,we are far apart.

Its not a good work of art.

Don't be scared, I know your hands bare.

But mine are too, and I feel as if i have caught the flu.

(Without you).


Don't give up. not ever and not here.

(I love you dear.)

Don't give up, not ever and not wherever you are.

Because I'll be there.

( I miss touching your hair.)


I wish had superglue to glue our bare and lonely hands together.

But its like our hearts are sewn together and we can't be apart.

But you had to go and study weather.


Don't give up. not ever and not here.

(I love you dear.)

Don't give up, not ever and not wherever you are.

Because I'll be there.

( I miss touching your hair.)


Even better tomorrow I will run (and hum)

and when I'm done, I'll be at the door..

Waiting for you.

You know its true, I'll be waiting for you.

I'll be waiting for you.


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367 Reviews

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Reviews: 367

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Sun Jul 18, 2010 1:36 am
Mizzle wrote a review...



Hey there, Dragon.

I don't normally review lyrics, but I just wanted to mention a few things about yours.

Now, I'm not an expert, but I do think this song is a little weird. Okay - more than a little. Apart from that, I think this could be very nice. You might want to weird it down a little, because at the moment, I wouldn't listen to this song. I would probably think, "What in the world is this guy getting at?"

Still, nice start. It can only get better.

-Mizz-




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562 Reviews

Points: 719
Reviews: 562

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Thu Jul 08, 2010 6:22 am
Button wrote a review...



I think this is quite good as a poem, and even better as lyrics. The repetition wasn't overdone, and was placed properly. The only thing I would suggest to watch out for is allowing your rhyming scheme to dominate what direction you take your piece. Some of the lines felt awkward and a bit forced, like you felt like you had to fit an exact rhyme. Sometimes, the best rhymes are the most subtle. Overall, job well done. Nice job.





When one is highly alert to language, then nearly everything begs to be a poem.
— James Tate