Published July 29, 2010
So i wrote this based on an experience I had and while i know exactly what's going on in the poem I wonder if other people would. So if you could please give me a hand here and tell me if this makes any kind of sense, that would be great. Also reviews would be nice, I don't normally write poems, prose is more my style. Thank you for the help
``greyson``
Empty Music
Spit dips from the mouthpiece
Of the silver belled instrument
That dangles upside down in his hands
She writes the music of her heart
On that old crinkled sheet of paper
And asks him to play for her
He laughs and tries
But the notes won’t come out
To her disappointment
His hands are shaking and
And everything comes out jumbled
Like the way he feels inside
He wants to scream
Because all she sees
Is the person who broke her best friend’s heart
Somebody who will play for her
If only to make that mistake up to her
Because he knows whom he really loves
The music is all the same
The soundtrack of a love
That begun far to late
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139,546 Literary Works • 672,605 Reviews
Honestly, I really don't agree with the first review...
the spit was not disgusting. That's ridiculous.
I will say, however, that the part about the "best friend" was somewhat random, as the piece began sounding ambiguous. However, I thought this was otherwise extremely good!
I would recommend rephrasing "comes out" in "And everything comes out jumbled" because you used that phrase so recently before. I would also put *began* at the end, rather than *begun*.
Great piece. c:
Coral
Nope I really didn't get it. Who's the best friend? I was grossed out by the spit part in the beginning. Not a good start to the poem. What's the theme of this? What does this poem mean?