Published July 7, 2010
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141,448 Literary Works • 674,460 Reviews
Poem overall was great. I like the rhyme but the syllables seem off. You got good rhyming but how you did it was off because when i read it it seemed not to match with each line. Make sure to have similar syllables. Overall It was good. I like the topic.
If you have any questions feel free to PM me.
SimonCowellLuver
This piece was great-- the rhyming scheme was really smooth, seemed almost flawless in its subtlety. There was only one area that seemed a bit forced:
He says that I cannot hide,
the other says I can confide
within him, my deepest thoughts
In this part, I would change the last line.. it doesn't flow very well, interrupted my reading a bit. I would also omit the last line. It is unnecessary and seems forced. Other than that, I think this was wonderfully done. It was subtle, and conveyed the emotion and confusion very well. Great job.