she held her past like a cigarette in her hand--
wanting to squash it and leave it be--
before she lit it up.
and her eyes were gritty and sandy and she didn’t like it
so she added fake black bristles to the ends of her lashes and
sticky red-redder-than-blood-and-my-eyes-after-crying to her mouth that she
cussed with all the time.
and she put on a band t-shirt that nobody knew about because
she thought it looked cool,
and she wanted to look cool and be cool,
and she figured she’d look more like the cool-i’m-a-rebel sort of teenager if she did.
and she got into her beat-up junk of a car and
drove off into
the way-too-early morning.
-
she went to school and
her pencils were heavy in her hand and
her eyes that were made up to be smokey and glittery drooped and
dragged down from
nights spent on Youtube and Tumblr and lack-of-sleep and the things that every teenager did.
-
after school she went home in her beat up i-wanna-fix-this-but-i-can’t car
to monotony
where her little sister said
hey wanna play
and
look i’m a fairy.
and
look i’m a princess.
and she would smile and the teenager would smile too, remembering the days when she was fairy-princess-whatever-she-wanted--
the days when she mattered
and she would ruffle the new fairy-princess-whatever-she-wanted’s hair and think
that’s not gonna last long.
look where it got me.
then she’d complain about homework and the invisibleness of herself
and the fact that she had so much to do.
her mom would tell her to get out of her room and she’d
go ugh
and roll her makeuppy eyes
and yell and scream at her mom,
who was once a teenager too--
but doesn’t remember it.
because all teenagers light fires
to forget.
-
once family torture was over she’d
fake laugh
and call her only friend to
complain about the world
and the invisibleness they both felt
and wonder why they were still treated like second-rate kids
but expected to act like adults.
and they’d laugh and chatter until it was late.
-
hey wanna go to a party
one asked.
yeah for sure lemme get dressed.
and they dressed up in pretty-i-feel-important clothes
and snuck out past their frumpy parents.
the party was sweat and swears and red cups filled with liquid fire
and the world was neon-gray-and-black.
it was the best sensation
to feel like you were on fire
until the fire consumed you.
-
and she was alone.
she was tired of alone,
sick of alone.
and yet she wanted it more than anything--leave me alone!
i just want to be noticed.
and so she was alone with her dyed-to-be-vibrant hair and painted-to-be-pretty face.
and the aloneness made her pick up the matches
and burn her kid-past away.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
This is a beautiful work of writing. I thoroughly liked it. I am 14 and there are times I feel exactly like this, minus wanting to smoke. I hope you feel a lot better, especially if this is based off of you and your thoughts.
My past, honestly, was full of innocence and happiness and ice cream. Getting my way sometimes, going to new playgrounds and being friends with everyone. That changed two years ago. From 2001 to 2014 I was happy. I enjoyed everything and wasn't exposed to the corrupted, lonely society today.
Now, as I look back, I see how much I have changed. Wanting isolation, having depression, being bullied, dressing in dark and feeling free when I did. Having to stop myself from cutting, having to act like an adult but still have fun at times. Wanting to look pretty and hating school. Being exposed to the cruelty and reality that I see.
Though not all of this is expressed in your writing, I definitely understand. Wanting to be alone yet wanting to leave a positive impact on people. Wanting to have freedom and wanting happiness again.
This work left an impact on me, I know. It's realistic, amazing, and sadly true nowadays. Thanks for sharing, because I liked reading this work. Happy writing! (Oh, I have nothing negative to say about this. Just letting you know)
Hello!
Some of this was based on me and my thoughts, yes. Thank you so much for the well wishes!
I'm so sorry you've been bullied, and I hope that gets better! You are so sweet, and I'm happy you commented here and shared your story. Please know that even from a short review, I can tell you are a kind and insightful soul who doesn't deserve any of that crap.
Thanks again! Happy writing to you as well!
Hello @writervivid ~
It's MergSword here with a review for your poem! I'm excited to do this review because it would be my first review for Team Tortoise and for R.E.D! (It's my first time doing Team Tortoise, and I'm very eager for R.E.D)
It feels very odd to review this work as of now because to think, I'm not even a teenager yet!( At least, not in two months) and I'm trying my very best to review this, so my apologies if this isn't what you would consider a high quality review ;-;
Now, a few things I noticed about this poem, as @TiffanyToy has stated, is the use of hyphens throughout. It makes the words very choppy, and the poem very difficult to read. Also, another thing that made the poem a bit choppy is in certain parts where you'd start a new line in the middle of a sentence. I think it'd be best to finish what you are saying, or using a comma to split it up, separated by a conjunction.
I'm not going to go into real depth, because as I have stated, I'm not a teenager yet, and it's up to my own to decide if this is true. I'm going to go with yes. It's sad how different ones childhood could be from adulthood, but with age comes change. When the time comes (for me), I hope I could comprehend the change.
Overall the poem was very meaningful, and very touching.
Keep on writing!
~MergSword
Hey, writervid!
I love this so much! I'ts amazing it doesn't have more likes and comments and reviews!
I only have a small nitpick and I'm not sure it can really be fixed. But, all of the hyphens in the wording is wonderful and a real beauty in this poem! But, with too many, it makes some lines hard to read. I'm not sure how to fix it since I love it so much! I love that part of it.
Anyway, this is really wonderful and relatable. Great job! I hope to get to read some more of your work soon!
Keep writing!,
~Tiff
Thank you! Keep writing!
I really like your writing, especially this. Just wanted to say that
Thank you so much!
This is a beautiful work of writing. I thoroughly liked it. I am 14 and there are times I feel exactly like this, minus wanting to smoke. I hope you feel a lot better, especially if this is based off of you and your thoughts.
My past, honestly, was full of innocence and happiness and ice cream. Getting my way sometimes, going to new playgrounds and being friends with everyone. That changed two years ago. From 2001 to 2014 I was happy. I enjoyed everything and wasn't exposed to the corrupted, lonely society today.
Now, as I look back, I see how much I have changed. Wanting isolation, having depression, being bullied, dressing in dark and feeling free when I did. Having to stop myself from cutting, having to act like an adult but still have fun at times. Wanting to look pretty and hating school. Being exposed to the cruelty and reality that I see.
Though not all of this is expressed in your writing, I definitely understand. Wanting to be alone yet wanting to leave a positive impact on people. Wanting to have freedom and wanting happiness again.
This work left an impact on me, I know. It's realistic, amazing, and sadly true nowadays. Thanks for sharing, because I liked reading this work. Happy writing! (Oh, I have nothing negative to say about this. Just letting you know)
Hello! And there are times I have felt like this as well, though I haven't ever smoked or done anything like the poem has said. The character herself is not based off of me, but some of her thoughts and emotions are. Wanting to be good but not being so. Spending time online when I should be asleep. Feeling like life is monotonous, feeling that nobody understands. Those are things that I have one and I have felt, and I tried to channel that here.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me...I am so sorry that you have been bullied and wanted to cut yourself. You are beautiful, please remember that.
I think we all change, unfortunately. We don't see the bad when we are kids and we don't see so much of the good when we are teenagers. And it's hard to cope with that. So we try to hide it.
I am so glad that this left an impact on you. I really appreciate hearing your story. Thank you so much for your review.
Writervid,
The words you have used are not really complicated like what other writers use, and it hit me. It hit me right to my core. Letting me remember howf as a teenager faI felt like (although not the entirety of what you have described).
It is amazing how you showed me, your reader, how that teenager looked,how she felt, where she went, everything. You gave not only a vivid image but also a realistic experience to your readers. No wonder I got hooked with reading your poem. And the way you have used your words to become adjectives is amazing.
All in all, you did great. Hats off to you.
Keep writing.
~vibe
Hello! And thank you so much! I definitely can understand the emotions of being a teenager, though I haven't done everything in this poem. And I'm glad you like how the nouns became adjectives and the word choices! Thank you!