For all the glass people out there.
I am a little glass girl
With eyes that are painted on to be pretty,
And hair that is stiff and fake.
I am a little glass girl
With empty heartbeats
And a smile that
I never put on my own face.
I am created to walk,
To talk,
To do as told.
I was created in fire
That I am never allowed to feel--
But when I do feel, it
Bubbles up under my
Seemingly perfect skin,
And I am on fire from within.
And I am a little glass girl,
Who can never feel because my feelings
Shatter me
From the inside.
And I smother my emotions
With glass
And pretend to be
Unbothered
By the rest of the world--
The stronger, the daring, the valiant world--
By the chips,
The scars,
The scuffs,
And the scratches--
The every-day-is-the-same-day feeling.
And I smile my painted-on smile,
And admire the carefully placed curl in my fake hair,
And ignore my thoughts
That sometimes it is better to shatter
Than be a little glass girl in an iron world.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
I love this poem! I can relate to it, and I feel like lots of people probably can too. The last few lines hit me really hard because it's so true and real. All of this sounds like it honestly came from your heart, and I appreaciate that. It's very powerful.
You described everything perfectly, and I'm not sure how you could make it better. This is the first peice of yours that I've seen, but for future writing it would be really good to use unique words that people don't normally see in everyday writing. Like instead of using the word 'empty' a good synonym would be 'vacant' or 'hollow'. Since poetry is very delicate in the fact that it has rythym and is vey easy to distort it in a way that you don't want it to, I wouldn't use this tip a whole lot in poetry, but just for future reference.
This was really great, and I'd love to read more of what you create! Great job!
Thank you! And I will definitely keep that in mind.
You make your point really clear at the end of the poem but id like to really see more organization of the words that lead up to it.
Okay. Do you have any tips on organization of it, and how I could improve that?
Hard to say. To each their own. You could make your sentences longer (not by adding words) or just say things as they come. Make sure the reader can understand it.
Okay. I'm a little uncertain as to how I could use that in this poem, but I will certainly implement this in later poetry! Thank you so much for the feedback!
Cool profile pic/gif!
So powerful - thank you
I'm glad it struck a chord with you. Thank you for reading.
11/10
)) Sorry for the cheesiness. And sorry this is a crappy review.
First of all, your metaphor is on point. You seamlessly compare society's influence on and, really, construction of our lives with a sort of dollmaker's on a glass doll. I love that the words flow together and sound beautiful despite the itchy melancholy I feel reading them. Dayum. It's really good.
Just a few minor comments:
- Although I love the voice in your poetry, at times it sounds a tad forced. Try and relax your words a bit, let them ebb and flow. You're a naturally talented writer; sometimes it's best to leave certain phrases raw. Despite that I wish it weren't true, there *is* such a thing as too much pizazz.
- I'm a bit confused with what you say in the beginning:
"I--me--never put on my own face."
What is the purpose of the "me?" It seems to break up the flow, but it's very possible that that is intentional and I'm just an idiot. In that case, sorry!
Overall, *amazing* poem! I expected nothing less than beautiful poetry from you, and that's what I got, reading this.
Happy writing!
Gah, this review was not crappy! I need to take out that me--thank you for alerting me to it! And I am going to do that!
Thank you!
Do you have any places where I can tone down the pizzazz? (love that word!)
Besides my frazzled-ness, thank you so much! My face is going to tear in half from smiling at your kind words.
Oc fam!
The phrase "seemingly perfect skin" is another one. I get what you're saying, and I love that you put it in there, but the way it's phrased there sounds a bit strained. Idk, I'm probs a little biased bc I have a love-hate relationship with the word "seemingly." The actual definition, I love, but the sound... ughhhhhhhhhhh. Lol. Sorry. Word rants. Maybe settle for something else, like "deceptively." "Deceptively" sounds so sour and silky and awesome.
)
Just little areas, like that phrase with the "me," but I see you've already fixed that.
Hope that helps.
I really liked this poem, good job
I loved how you chose glass to represent a sort of emptiness in perfection, and how it is very fragile, easily shattered by emotions and feelings that destroy the girl's being and purpose all together. The message is both clear and creative, and I especially like the effect of the last two lines. There aren't multiple stanzas, and the lines aren't particularly long, but I think that helps the poem flow--one can easily follow the girl's thought without awkward transitions. I also felt that the structure created some sort of rhythm, maybe?
I would maybe cut back on some of the repetition on the use of 'feeling' and find a better word/description for just a few of the lines, as too much repetition can be troublesome when trying to keep the reader's attention.
Other than that, I found nothing else I would change in the poem. I really liked this idea, and thought you did a wonderful job of writing it :3 Keep writing!
Thank you so much! And you're right about the feeling repetition; I shall head over to my trusty thesaurus and fix that right now! Thanks again!
This is really great!
The tone of this poem has quite a great touch to it and I think it is just me, but I feel a beat when I keep reading this.
The flow is smooth and I believe that there is a slight chance that it could go a little bit more smoother. But regardless, it does sound great as it is.
My concern is that this seems so real. It is not a bad thing at all. The fact that you could create such amazing imagery is astounding.
Overall, this was a great piece and I hope to see more work from you in the future.
Thank you so much! I'm glad the imagery worked well.
And I will definitely be posting more poems in the future!
Do you have any tips on how to make the flow smoother? Just wondering, it's good if you don't.
its really good!
Thank you!