“i like pink,”
he said,
“and i want to have my walls be pink.
wallpaper, not paint, though.
it’s always wallpaper in the movies.”
he was the four-year-old-matter-of-fact,
and no one dared argue that he should have blue paint, since he was a boy.
and he wore tutus like a girl,
and played with dolls like a girl,
so why should it matter?
he was happy.
and his mother looked at the pink wallpaper they had chosen for his new sister’s room,
and the blue paint they had selected for his
and switched their furniture around.
“he wants pink wallpaper.
and our new daughter can have blue paint.”
they showed their son his new pink room, and his face lit up.
“this is so cool!”
and he rearranged his Disney princess dolls.
even though he didn’t say it,
he was satisfied by the magenta-fuschia-baby-cotton-candy-kisses color,
and he hoped his baby sister would be satisfied with her
blue paint.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
'Ello, mate. I'm here to review this work. I must say, I'm impressed and definitely intrigued. I love this poem a lot. I really like the message of "gender doesn't matter." because it seems to be a common misconception nowadays. Well done.
Just like Gymnast's review, I have basically the same corrections, just my review is in a different style.
"I like pink,"
and I want my walls to be pink, as well.
He said in a four-year-old-matter-of-fact-tone,
He was happy,
and his mother looked at the pink wallpaper they had chosen for his newborn sister's room,
"This is so cool!"
He rearranged his Disney Princess dolls.
There is room for improvement, although you write nicely. Continue writing, and well done
Hi, Gymnast2801 here for a review!
This is an interesting poem and I really liked it because I've never read anything like it before. You turned a subject that is normally not the huge in to a very interesting topic so wonderful job on that!!
There what some grammar issues that I will point out but other than that, your work seems good to me! Here are the corrections:
Original:
“i like pink,”
Correction:
"I like pink,"
Original:
“and i want to have my walls be pink.
Correction:
and I want to have my walls to be pink!
Original:
he was the four-year-old-matter-of-fact,
Correction:
He said in a four-year-old-matter-of-fact-tone,
Original:
he was happy.
Correction:
He was happy,
Original:
and his mother looked at the pink wallpaper they had chosen for his new sister’s room,
Correction:
and his mother looked at the pink wallpaper they had chosen for his newborn sister's room,
Original:
“this is so cool!”
Correction:
"This is so cool!"
Original:
and he rearranged his Disney princess dolls.
Correction:
He rearranged his Disney Princess dolls.
Other than that, I'd say your poem looks wonderful!! Keep one writing!
-Gymnast2801
Personally, I like the message you are conveying. It shows that gender doesn't decide someone's favorite color.
Though I liked the message, I feel as though this piece should be more of a short story than a poem. Having the sentences split like a poem doesn't really make it a poem. In my opinion, you seem to be telling a full story. A poem, to me, a piece that tells a story but doesn't give every detail away and leave something to the imagination of the reader.
That is my only problem with this. I think this piece should be written as a story rather than a poem. It confused me a little bit and didn't keep me hooked, written as a poem.
These are just my thoughts and everyone as their own opinions. But overall I liked the details, the story and the overall message. Great job.
Thank you! I can definitely see where you're coming from with the story idea; I agree with it, actually. On its own, this poem doesn't merit too much meaning. I will probably rewrite this as a story on a later date.
Thanks!
I think this poem shows that we do not need to seperate people by their gender. Girls can do things boys do and boys can do the same. You had just used the pink wallpaper as a way to us that. Blue colour is always used for the room and clothes of the small baby boy but in end we never ask do they like blue. We think that blue is the only option for them and that their opinion is not something that matters then. Same for girls, of course. I think this work could be better-looking if you using proper grammar but who am I to judge your poetry style.
Overall, I like this short piece that proves we need to think more what a kid may want than think what is proper for them to want.
Keep on writing.
Great insight into this! And yeah, the poem is intentionally uncapitalized. I was working on a collection of poems and I felt like this format suited the time in life of the character here. Thanks for the review! You as well!