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16+ Violence

Princess

by writervid


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

I have always been a princess--

ever since the day I was born.

I always pretty-cry

Like the princesses do in movies.

My eyes would drip

Down melancholy tears,

Besides some kind of fountain.

Only my fountain is special;

It's not marble, and it's not working.

It's ancient and mysterious, 

And it's filled by my

Salt water pretty-cry

Every day.

My face is always 

Shining, like a princess's.

Only I have better makeup than they,

Because mine comes in different colors:

Black, red, blue, yellow, green.

Sometimes I'm

Lucky enough to 

Get makeup all over my body, not just my face.

My makeup is reapplied often, 

By an artist who knows where to 

Touch me

To get the best color.

I wear

Red bracelets on my wrists that I never take off,

Until they fade to white.

I give myself new red bracelets

Every time they change colors.

(I now have a bracelet collection).

I'm starting a jewelry collection soon. 

I've always liked

Necklaces of rope.

Once I have my own necklace, I will be able to

Hover over the 

Ground.

I will be magical once I have that necklace.

People will

bow beneath me,

Searching for messages

from

My graced hand.

I have always been a princess,

But soon I will be queen.

*Disclaimer: I really do not feel like this, I was just struck by inspiration one day. Yes, I know it's dark and disturbing, but some people do have suicidal thoughts. There is no need for anyone to call a depression hotline or anything. If you ever feel like this, talk to someone. Don't start a jewelry collection, start to count your blessings. They are there, they are just invisible. 


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Mon May 02, 2016 1:45 pm
Eros wrote a review...



Heya, writervid!!

I am Eros here to review your emotional poem!!

The topic is very catchy, and captivating. I liked this piece very much. I like the flow of the poem. The words which you have used are really beautiful. I like the theme of the poem. I like the idea behind it. I like how you have described everything i a poetic manner. At first I wasn't understanding this. But then, slowly, slowly, I understood what it is all about.

I appreciate you. You have written it very nicely. It had a deep and a whole lot of meaning.
I like the message at the end. I likes this work. It was AWESOME!

Keep writing...
Never cease...
Because we all love to keep reading such Superb works like this one!!
Have a great day/night!!
:D




writervid says...


Thank you! You as well!



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Tue Jan 26, 2016 11:12 am
CuddlyLittleKitten wrote a review...



I really like this work. At first I was confused because I was trying to grasp the meaning behind it, and then it clicked. It's got a very deep meaning to it and when I realized I was kinda shocked. The words flow together nicely, however editing it a little like @Lightsong recommended and it will be even better! Beautiful work!




writervid says...


Thank you so much! And yes, I have edited it how Lightsong suggested! Thanks again!



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Tue Jan 26, 2016 10:39 am
TheLittlePrince says...



This is so beautiful... Try to edit it like @Lightsong said and this will be perfect.




writervid says...


Thank you! Have done so!



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Tue Jan 26, 2016 5:41 am
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Lightsong wrote a review...



Hey, I'm here to review. :D

Okay, Imma talk about your formatting first. Here, I see you put the stanzas in the middle, which confuses me for its significance. Why did you have to put it this way? Wai? D: I think putting it at the usual right would do no harm to it. Certain types of poems do demand the poet to format it in the middle, but this is not one of them.

Also, when you want to go to a new line, just click Enter and Shift at the same time (always go with Enter first). This would lead you directly to the new line without having that too-wide space.

Now, let's analysis this poem. Professor mode's on. B)

I have always been a princess--
Ever since the day I was born.


This is a sentence broken into two, right? The full one would be, 'I have always been princess--ever since the day I was born' and you can see 'ever' is not capitalized. Therefore, the first word in the second line shouldn't be capitalized since it's a continuation of the line before. Read this for more information about capitalizing in poetry.

I always pretty-cried
Like the princesses do in movies.


Since you're using present tense, 'pretty-cried' should be 'pretty-cry'. Not only 'pretty-cry' is in the present tense, it's also a good alliteration. I like the word 'pretty-cry' too--it's an interesting choice of word.

Only my fountain is special;
It's not marble, and it doesn't work.
It's ancient and mysterious,
And it's filled by my
Salt-water pretty-cry
Every day.


I find this idea of the fountain intriguing. It seems like a metaphor, and it makes me thinking of to what it refers. I think the second line is a good place to put an effective repetition--'It's not marble, and it's not working' but it's your choice. Salt water doesn't have to be joined with a dash.

Only I have better makeup than they do,


I think stopping this line to 'they' is enough--it still conveys the same meaning. If you're to continue, it should be 'they have', since you're comparing the persona and the princesses.

Because mine comes in different colors:
Black, red, blue, yellow, green.
Sometimes I'm
Lucky enough to
Get makeup all over my body, not just my face.
My makeup is reapplied often,
By an artist who knows where to
Touch me
To get the best color.


This is disturbing, and it's the good kind. o.o On the surface, these lines are innocent if taken literally. However, poetry is more than that, so when I think about the deeper meaning of these, it just makes me in awe of your skill to change something horrifying in real life to something artistic and subtle like this. I'm sure this refers to some kind of beating to the persona, is it not? At least, that's what I get from these.

The third stanza is by far your strongest one, simply because it's filled with simple imagery that conveys some powerful messages. The use of 'red bracelets', 'necklaces of ropes', 'hover over the ground' are innocent words in themselves, but when put together to portray a cohesive image, it sends chill to me. They're refreshing, they take in a interesting perspective, and yet they effectively shock me, given how the persona talks about them in a positive way. By using those pretty descriptions, you actually make the theme of suicide worse--worse enough to be taken seriously.

People will
bow beneath me,
Searching for messages
from
My graced hand.


I like these lines. Really put something to ponder on.

I have always been a princess,
But soon I will be a queen.


I think putting 'a' before 'queen' breaks the flow, so it's okay to just go 'will be queen'.

Anyway, that's all! Keep up the good job! Look forward to reading more of your poem! :D




writervid says...


Thank you so much for all of your fantastic feedback! I will get right on that. I was confused about creating a new line, so I'll certainly use your strategy. The second stanza is about the persona being beaten. I will most certainly be using all of this. Thank you so much for your help! :D



Lightsong says...


You're welcome. :) When you do want to go to a new line, make sure you keep pressing SHIFT before pressing ENTER (keep pressing SHIFT when you've pressed ENTER!).



writervid says...


Alright! Once I get on my computer that's my top priority. :D



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Fri Jan 22, 2016 2:27 am
brokenbeastxx says...



I'm absolutely in love with this!!! This is so creative and I wouldn't have thought of a better way to put it and I like how instead of just coming out and saying it you waited a little bit in the poem to actually give hints to what it is. When you put,

"I have always been a princess--
Ever since the day I was born."

it makes it so emotional. I'm loving this and I can't wait for you to post more!




writervid says...


Wow, thank you so much! I'm blushing right now. :) I'm super happy it conveyed strong emotions to you! And I'm planning to post another poem in the next few days. :)



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Fri Jan 22, 2016 2:26 am
brokenbeastxx wrote a review...



I'm absolutely in love with this!!! This is so creative and I wouldn't have thought of a better way to put it and I like how instead of just coming out and saying it you waited a little bit in the poem to actually give hints to what it is. When you put,

"I have always been a princess--
Ever since the day I was born."

it makes it so emotional. I'm loving this and I can't wait for you to post more!




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Thu Jan 21, 2016 4:20 pm
NewYork30 says...



This is so beautiful and it was an amazing tradition from a light feeling to a dark feeling. It gives a sense of power , yet weakness. "I have always been a princess, but I will soon be a queen" is probably my favorite line.

I really like the princess and queen comparison. Keep up the good writing I love it!




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Thu Jan 21, 2016 4:19 pm
NewYork30 wrote a review...



This is so beautiful and it was an amazing tradition from a light feeling to a dark feeling. It gives a sense of power , yet weakness. "I have always been a princess, but I will soon be a queen" is probably my favorite line.

I really like the princess and queen comparison. Keep up the good writing I love it!




writervid says...


Thank you! I most certainly will. :)



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Thu Jan 21, 2016 10:36 am
WeirdoPotato wrote a review...



It is really nice. Very artsy enough to show the emotions. Oh well, it is deep, hah.
I'm just looking for some twist and more emotion in it.

Just want to recommend you to use more flowery words and figurative languages so that you can describe more what it is all about. And it is interesting, really. So, that's it.

Hope to read more of your works, though. You impressed me with this.

Overall, it is a nice piece! Happy writings!




writervid says...


Thank you! I think that here I was trying to make it sound simpler because it just seemed to fit the poem better and shock the reader with the darkness beneath more, but I will certainly apply that feedback to later poetry. Thanks again!



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Thu Jan 21, 2016 3:18 am
VoidSlime says...



This is... awesome?
I don't know what feelings I'm getting from this...
I don't know much about poetry, but this is quite good from what I've read...
All I can say is, I wasn't completely sure how dark it was until the start of the third verse.




writervid says...


Wow, thank you so much! And yes, I sort of tried to build it up to make it more dark as it went on.



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Thu Jan 21, 2016 3:13 am
Lightsong says...



I'm so, so liking this. Remind me to review it later. :)




writervid says...


Oh, thank you! Since it's later, do you want to review it now?



Lightsong says...


Hahaha, sure. After I've done working for today, though. ;)



writervid says...


Alright. :D




All my life I've wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific.
— Jane Wagner