The beautiful thing about meeting people
is that they're all the same at start
and you don't know who's extraordinary
or the things they'll do or have done.
-
The beautiful thing about meeting you
is that you smiled bright and then
I felt your hand against my own
as we whispered names in greeting--
and from right then, I think I knew
you might have been a special soul.
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140,385 Literary Works • 673,139 Reviews
This piece is overall well written, but the ending isn't as strong as it could be. It just kinda is there I guess. Like it says
"I think so I knew/you might have been a special soul"
I think if you put I knew you were a special soul then it would at a better touch of emotion then just I think you are special.
Other than that this was very touching. Short and sweet.
Thank you for your review!
Hey writervid,
First Impressions: I thought this was pleasant and sweet, with some good highlights, and a few places left to improve and make it better. Standard poetry, I say.
Positives:
Stating fact and truth is always good, because it's, well, true. It also builds an extremely strong foundation for building off of and making things more whimsical, which is what you've done here.
I like the feel of this being a "romantic" piece of poetry, and yet, it's not entirely focused on the whole romance thing. You've talked about human nature here, which means that you've added a lot of depth into such a short work. Depth is good, as long as your reader can tap into it.
Negatives:
This is where it fades just a little. The grammar and structure is a little bit weird, and there's some incorrect usage of vocabulary there in the middle. It makes it difficult to understand the meaning I'm supposed to be getting. I understand that the narrator is falling into love with this new face, but that's about where it stops because I can't go forward with surety.
Fixing this up to be a little more clear would be good.
Overall: Not bad. I'd say that with a few little fixes it will be a nice piece.
I give it:
Hi! Thank you for your review!
Do you have any specific suggestions on the grammar and structure?
I'm a fan of this, but it also throws the darkest shade I've ever seen.
Starting with the positives, everything is so soft and delicately constructed, I'm reminded of a house of cards coated in powdered sugar. It all seems so pleasant and soft; that said, all it takes is one wrong breeze to make an extraordinary mess, and your last line delivers that breeze.
This. Is. Not. Necessarily. A. Bad. Thing.
What's interesting is that you spend the poem building up this notion that people are good and smiles and hands and names and greetings are wonderful and it's so peaceful and nice and lovely and warm--and in the final line you say you might have been a special soul.
Shade, man. Shade.
But contextually, it works because it's a contrast to all the niceness, and in all the powdered sugar and snow and delicate things we find this one dismal chord that tells us something went wrong. And that's good. It's another dimension of the piece. It adds a new shade of lighting to everything we see in the piece and gives us perspective.
So what you've done is good, and you need to keep up the good work. If that line wasn't intentional, learn from the happy accident and learn it well.
Ty
Hi! Thank you for your kind words! And you TOTALLY got what I was trying to do with the ending there. You're actually the first person who read this that picked up on that.