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Why do I have to love you? (Denise’s song back to Gabriel)

by vampricone6783

*This is from my “Town of Richardson” stories.It’s Denise’s feelings towards Gabriel.Kind of the sequel to the song “My dearest Denise” which you can check out on my profile.Gacha Club character designs are on my wall.Enjoy!

Why do I have to love you?

You’re so gross and weird!

Get out of my face!

You disgusting and cheap clown!

God,I could laugh at you right now.

But my friends dared me to date you

And I can’t go against them

My dear good friends,kept me from getting bullied

My friends saved me from sticky situations

My friends,even if they pressured me,they were always there for me

My friends are the best,better than you

All you do is dream about me

So go and get your damn unicycle

Because like,I really don’t like you

My friends,they never ever stopped being there for me!

My dear good friends…

Whatever they say is alright with me…

My dear friends,they’d never leave me…

My dear friends, they’re always right!


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Wed Sep 14, 2022 12:43 am
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Plume wrote a review...

Hey there! Plume here, with a review! Your work has been in the green room for a bit, so I thought I'd bump it out!

I think this little narrative song is quite interesting! You present this story of Denise, who is, in a way, trapped in her situation between Gabriel and her friends. I think you've got a unique base to go off of if you ever revisited this! Keep in mind, I don't think I've read any of your other stories with these characters, so I'm coming at this song with fresh eyes and no background into the history of these characters.

One thing I liked about this was how you executed the narrative. I think you gave us the details of the story very well, so much so that it almost felt like a narrative monologue than a song. From what I gather, Denise was coerced into a relationship with Gabriel by her friends, even though she doesn't love him, because if she didn't, her friends might abandon her. This situation is honestly pretty toxic, and I think you did a nice job conveying that. Denise sounds very frustrated and also perhaps unsure. Her repetition of "my dear friends" is almost unsettling in nature, like she's been brainwashed, almost, into thinking her friends are these great people, when, in reality, they're not. It makes me feel bad for Denise, in a way—not sure if that was your intention or if my perspective would change if I knew more about the characters, but those were my sentiments after reading.

In terms of your structure, I think you've got many good aspects of a song. Even though it doesn't follow the traditional song format with a chorus and such, there are a lot of repeated lines that could be very interesting, depending on how you set them to music. The one thing I would say is that it could be interesting to incorporate some kind of chorus into it—generally, songs have one melody that repeats at least twice throughout the song, and since we don't have the musical component with your song, it's kind of hard to assess whether it has the parts of a song/whether it feels cohesive. Do you have plans to write music for it, or do you have a tune in mind?

I thought your execution of it was interesting. There are a few things that I would modify. Like the other review mentioned, you talk a lot about Denise's thoughts, but don't necessarily give concrete examples of her feelings. You use vague statements, and, while they get the point across, they simply aren't as hard-hitting. I hesitate to use the phrase "good writing" because "good" is subjective, but I think that most "good writing" has at least some form of showing, not telling, and I'm not sure I could find good examples of that in this piece. Your narratives were clear, but I felt like overall, there was nothing in here that made me feel excited, personally. Instead of saying blanket statements like "my friends are the best" and "you're so gross and weird," show us examples of that. Try and find unique and figurative ways to show it, since this is a song, so it's poetry adjacent, in a way. Originality and little details that show the story through them will make the piece a lot more memorable and just... better, in a way.

Also, just another small thing: I'm not sure if this is a formatting/copy-and-paste error, but you don't have spaces after your commas, where spaces should go. Just thought I'd point it out.

Overall: I think your skills in actually conveying events and characters are great, but your execution could be improved upon! I look forward to reading more of your work soon! Until next time!

vampricone6783 says...

I%u2019m only writing the songs! I don%u2019t plan an actually making a tune or music out of them.

Thanks for the review! :)

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455 Reviews

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Fri Sep 02, 2022 12:15 am
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Hijinks wrote a review...

Hi there, vampricone! I see your lyrics have been in the Green Room for a while with no reviews, so I thought I'd start off RevMo leaving a review on this heartful song!

I'll start of the review with some interpretation, both of the song mentioned in the A/N and the lyrics of your song. I thought it was need your provided another pop song for context, so I went to give it a listen before reading through your lyrics. I found that Unhappy meal is describing a relationship in which the singer/Denise enjoys wielding power over and manipulating their partner for personal gain. She is superficially "the girl of his dreams", and so she gets to be very unpleasant when it comes to how she actually treats him. In the song, she enjoys playing with her partner and emotionally toying with him.

In Denise's song, however, Denise doesn't seem to have any positive emotions about her relationship with Gabriel. She calls him gross, weird, disgusting, cheap, and flat out says "I really don't like you". She's not gaining anything from the relationship and doesn't take any satisfaction from the fact that she's toying with Gabriel's emotions. She's really only in the relationship to keep her friends happy, who seem to be her protection from the outside world.

I'm going to take a look at some specific lines now, since that can help you to see how specific details and word choices in your song are affecting the overall meaning and tone of the piece!

My dear good friends,kept me from getting bullied

My friends saved me from sticky situations

^To me, these lines imply that if Denise weren't to keep up her end of the deal, she's afraid her friends might stop protecting her from bullying and sticky situations.

..Whatever they say is alright with me..

..My dear friends,they’d never leave me…

…My dear friends,they’re always right!

^After reading through the lyrics a couple times, I'm starting to think that Denise may be in a toxic relationship with her friends. Which kind of parallels the fact that Gabriel is in a toxic relationship with her; it seems like a bit of a chain reaction. The use of ellipses ("...") in these lines implies hesitation or distrust, like Denise doesn't actually believe what she's saying - that she always agrees with her friends, that they'll always stay by her side.

Why do I have to love you?



^Something I find interesting about these lines is that Denise implies that "loving" Gabriel is a choice or an action she can and has to make. When in reality, it becomes abundantly clear in the song that she in fact does not love Gabriel emotionally, or show love for him through her actions. I think it could be really interesting if the song expands on the fact that she thinks she can and should choose to love Gabriel, since I think most people would agree that's not how love works. It would show that Denise maybe has some thought distortions going on - and I think it would overall add a layer of depth / originality to the song that is missing a little right now.

To elaborate on that, my main critique -> everything in the song feels very superficial to me. Denise is making statements, sure, about Gabriel and about her friend group. And that's perfectly fine; but think it would take the song to the next level if you included more psychological elements. Don't give reasons for what Denise is feeling - you've already given those - but instead describe, physically or emotionally, how she's feeling as a result of all this. She likely feels trapped - expand on that! How is feeling trapped impacting her well being or sense of self?

Overall, I enjoyed reading these lyrics! It was interesting to read them after having already read and reviewed Gabriel's song; I enjoyed seeing continuity in little aspects such as the reference to being a "clown" and the "damn unicycle". I hope this review proves useful, and let me know if you have any questions about stuff I brought up!


vampricone6783 says...

I deleted the A/N after your review. You gave off some good points. At the time I wrote this I thought it fit but now I%u2019ve changed my mind.

Thanks for your review. :)

I think the more you understand myths, the more you understand the roots of our culture and the more things will resonate.
— Rick Riordan