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12+ Violence Mature Content

The monster within | Introduction |

by vampricone6783


*This is a fanfiction of an R.L. Stine movie titled “Monsterville: Cabinet of Souls”. I won’t spoil too much, but I’ll give the gist.  The  movie stars four teens: Kellen, Beth (played by Dove Cameron), Nicole, and Luke. The two main characters are Kellen and Beth. It’s in a town called Danville. It takes place on Halloween. Dr.Hysteria and his assistant, Lilith, arrive in Danville with their “Hall of Horrors”. The kids all go to the Hall of Horrors. excited, but…something isn’t right. As it turns out, the Hall of Horrors has a magical cabinet that traps the souls of teens and turns their bodies into mindless Halloween monsters controlled by Dr.Hysteria. Beth is the one person who doesn’t get trapped and has to save her friends. Alright, I’ve said too much already, so let’s talk about the fanfic. The fanfic takes place a year after the events in the movie. The two main characters in this story are Nicole and Luke. The POVS will alternate. Right now, it’s Nicole’s POV. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*

NICOLE

I can’t sleep. I just can’t. I keep thinking about Dr.Hysteria and when he said those cruel words to me:”Nicole, you are mine.” I felt like I was going to suffocate in on myself. I tried telling Beth about it, but his spell always got to me.

I remember when everything was this awful, dark blur. I couldn’t hear anything either. I felt weak too. Powerless. Lost. Alone.

But that’s behind me now. Beth had sent Dr.Hysteria and his minions to Hell. She saved everyone. This will never happen to me again.

So why do I keep having nightmares about it?

I can’t just lie here anymore. I have to get up. Maybe going to the bathroom will help clear my mind.

……………………………………………………

I turn on the light in the bathroom and walk up to the mirror.

I was crying. I can see from the tears on my face and my red eyes. But that’s not what I’m really worried about.

My hair is extremely messy, even for bed head. My face seems more hollow and dark. I look just like how I did when I was about to turn into a witch.

Maybe I’m not really turning into a witch. Maybe it’s just from being sad and tired. Maybe there’s nothing to worry about.

I look down at my hands, just to make sure.

I have long witch’s nails.

I’m turning into a witch again.

But I don’t hear Dr.Hysteria’s voice in my ear. I feel normal.

So why is this happening to me?

Someone knocks on the front door.

Who would be knocking at this hour?

……………………………………………………

I open the front door. I come from a family of really heavy sleepers. So heavy that they wouldn’t hear someone knocking on their door in the middle of the night.

Oh great. It’s Luke. I can tell from the silhouette. Luke has come all the way over here just to sing me his stupid “rap songs”. I can’t deal with it right now. I’m still trying to figure out why this is happening to me.

“Listen Luke, your songs are nice, but-“

“I didn’t come here to sing.” He says. He walks up to me before I can tell him to go away.

Luke looks like Luke, except his face is covered in clown makeup and instead of being brown, it’s orange.

He’s turning into a clown.

“I wanted to see if it was happening to you too.” He says.

I close the door behind us really slowly. I don’t know why. I guess I don’t want to slam it too loudly. Maybe I’m scared. I don’t know.

“We should text Kellen about this. He was a monster too.” I say. We can’t be the only ones dealing with this. Maybe Kellen was dealing with this too. If what I think is happening is happening, then we have a lot more work to do.

“I tried texting him, but he didn’t respond. He’s probably out with Princess Beth, making smooching faces at her.” Luke smiles at me and starts doing disgusting kissing lips.

I wish that he would be serious for once in his life.

“He didn’t respond?”

Luke shakes his head while still doing the duck lips. Honestly, he needs to get over himself.

He would have responded immediately to us if it were happening to him. Then again, he didn’t respond to my texts when I was the only one at the carnival and I wanted him to come hang out.

He was just brooding over Beth, okay? Get over it, it happened a year ago.

“Stay here. If it wears off by morning, then we have nothing to worry about. If not, then I have makeup that could conceal our transformation well.” I say.

Luke stops doing the duck lips and stares at me with big, dumb, puppy dog eyes.

“You like me?”

“No! I’m just doing this because of what’s happening! It has nothing to do with you!” I yell. My family still sleeps. I swear, they don’t wake up until the rays of sunlight hit them.

Why does Luke always have to be such a tool?

“Come on. Let’s get your sleeping arrangements ready.”

I take Luke’s wrist and lead him upstairs to my room. He hasn’t made a single joke about me touching him. That’s weird. Usually he says something annoying.

Eh, maybe he got tired of it. If I were him, I’d get tired of me too.


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Thu Jul 13, 2023 8:02 pm
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LuminescentAnt wrote a review...



Hi! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

This will be a super quick review since I'm traveling right now, but I will try my best to make it as helpful as I can.

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
I have never seen that movie, but it seems spooky. So the teenagers regain conciousness after turning into monsters. Interesting. That changes stuff, because I thought they became monsters forever.

Slightly Burnt Marshamallow - Room for Improvements
One piece of feedback I would give is that I think you could describe what Nicole saw in the mirror as she was turning into a witch, and what Luke looked like when he was turning into a clown. The descriptions seem a bit vague, and even though they are supposed to be only kind of in their monster state, I think you could describe it a little more.

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I think you did a good job at portrayin the character's emotions and what they were thinking. The reader can really understand the pain of what Nicole was going through. We hear a lot about how Nicole feels about being controlled by Dr. Hysteria, and also how she feels about Luke.

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
That's it! Overall, a great start to a series (if you're making it a series) which I hope you will continue! Happy writing!

This review courtesy of
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vampricone6783 says...


I%u2019m going to continue this.

Thank you for reading!



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Thu Jul 13, 2023 2:30 pm
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AkuRashomon wrote a review...



Hey there! This is loveissorugrapes and I am here to give you a review/comment. This is one of my first times reviewing fanfics in this site. because I haven't found that much fanfictions here that I relate to like Spiderverse or something might post one soon hehe. I have never watched this movie but let us just review this story because I do not know if the movie rating is good for 13/14 year olds so yeah. Plus, I am not interested in scary movies. But anyways, let's get to the review. I also do not know if Nicole is the main character or like one of the friends of the main character in the movie. I know it would be better but I like how this was written that is why I am reviewing it.

I can’t sleep. I just can’t. I keep thinking about Dr.Hysteria and when he said those cruel words to me:”Nicole, you are mine.” I felt like I was going to suffocate in on myself. I tried telling Beth about it, but his spell always got to me.

I remember when everything was this awful, dark blur. I couldn’t hear anything either. I felt weak too. Powerless. Lost. Alone.

But that’s behind me now. Beth had sent Dr.Hysteria and his minions to Hell. She saved everyone. This will never happen to me again.

So why do I keep having nightmares about it?

I can’t just lie here anymore. I have to get up. Maybe going to the bathroom will help clear my mind.


I think Dr. Hysteria should have a space in between both words. In between the words "me:"Nicole" should have a space between the colon and the quotation mark. I thought Beth was a a girl who's the "his" in the sentence. The doctor?

I turn on the light in the bathroom and walk up to the mirror.

I was crying. I can see from the tears on my face and my red eyes. But that’s not what I’m really worried about.

My hair is extremely messy, even for bed head. My face seems more hollow and dark. I look just like how I did when I was about to turn into a witch.

Maybe I’m not really turning into a witch. Maybe it’s just from being sad and tired. Maybe there’s nothing to worry about.

I look down at my hands, just to make sure.

I have long witch’s nails.

I’m turning into a witch again.

But I don’t hear Dr.Hysteria’s voice in my ear. I feel normal.

So why is this happening to me?

Someone knocks on the front door.

Who would be knocking at this hour?


You can see the great emotion of overthinking of what the doctor did to her. She might have been cursed to be a witch or a supernatural creature. Even the sentences that are separated are like her thoughts about what the doctor did to her and the doctor.

I open the front door. I come from a family of really heavy sleepers. So heavy that they wouldn’t hear someone knocking on their door in the middle of the night.

Oh great. It’s Luke. I can tell from the silhouette. Luke has come all the way over here just to sing me his stupid “rap songs”. I can’t deal with it right now. I’m still trying to figure out why this is happening to me.

“Listen Luke, your songs are nice, but-“

“I didn’t come here to sing.” He says. He walks up to me before I can tell him to go away.

Luke looks like Luke, except his face is covered in clown makeup and instead of being brown, it’s orange.

He’s turning into a clown.


You can see that one of her friends, Luke are turning into something that is supernatural like a clown, a witch or something. You know it is funny how her whole family are heavy sleepers. You can see what type of character Luke is like. Likes to annoy people with his stupid rap songs in the middle of the night.

“I wanted to see if it was happening to you too.” He says.

I close the door behind us really slowly. I don’t know why. I guess I don’t want to slam it too loudly. Maybe I’m scared. I don’t know.

“We should text Kellen about this. He was a monster too.” I say. We can’t be the only ones dealing with this. Maybe Kellen was dealing with this too. If what I think is happening is happening, then we have a lot more work to do.

“I tried texting him, but he didn’t respond. He’s probably out with Princess Beth, making smooching faces at her.” Luke smiles at me and starts doing disgusting kissing lips.

I wish that he would be serious for once in his life.

“He didn’t respond?”

Luke shakes his head while still doing the duck lips. Honestly, he needs to get over himself.

He would have responded immediately to us if it were happening to him. Then again, he didn’t respond to my texts when I was the only one at the carnival and I wanted him to come hang out.

He was just brooding over Beth, okay? Get over it, it happened a year ago.

“Stay here. If it wears off by morning, then we have nothing to worry about. If not, then I have makeup that could conceal our transformation well.” I say.

Luke stops doing the duck lips and stares at me with big, dumb, puppy dog eyes.


OK, Luke's kind of like really really annoying, not enough for my patience in these paragraphs mentioned. He is also disgusting on how he mentions the other character being in love with each other. It's crazy how they are turning into monsters and supernatural creatures here. It is most likely the theme of the story.

“You like me?”

“No! I’m just doing this because of what’s happening! It has nothing to do with you!” I yell. My family still sleeps. I swear, they don’t wake up until the rays of sunlight hit them.

Why does Luke always have to be such a tool?

“Come on. Let’s get your sleeping arrangements ready.”

I take Luke’s wrist and lead him upstairs to my room. He hasn’t made a single joke about me touching him. That’s weird. Usually he says something annoying.

Eh, maybe he got tired of it. If I were him, I’d get tired of me too.


This is pretty cut even for a ending of a chapter. I mean it doesn't even feel like a introduction. It feels like the first chapter. If you want this to be an introduction, you should introduction the characters and a little bit of the story. And you know that it is fictional because how come her family didn't wake up when Luke shouted. I mean you know improve on the mistakes you have in this story and the story will be better.

Over all, keep writing! It is good it's just that you need to fix some errors in it. Have a wonderful day/night!




vampricone6783 says...


Nicole and Luke are friends of the main characters in the movie, but in this story, they%u2019re both the main characters. The POVS will be changing. It will be told from a different perspective between different parts. Since this part was from the perspective of Nicole, the other part will be Luke%u2019s perspective.

The %u201Chis%u201D is Dr.Hysteria.

Glad you liked this!



vampricone6783 says...


Luke beat-boxed (or attempted to) in the movie, but in this story, he just calls his friends various different nicknames.

He has a bunch of nicknames for Nicole.



AkuRashomon says...


oh, I see. Thank you for clarifying the story. c:




If I seem to wander, if I seem to stray, remember that true stories seldom take the straightest way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind