Young Writers Society

Hi! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

This will be a super quick review since I'm traveling right now, but I will try my best to make it as helpful as I can.

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
I have never seen that movie, but it seems spooky. So the teenagers regain conciousness after turning into monsters. Interesting. That changes stuff, because I thought they became monsters forever.

Slightly Burnt Marshamallow - Room for Improvements
One piece of feedback I would give is that I think you could describe what Nicole saw in the mirror as she was turning into a witch, and what Luke looked like when he was turning into a clown. The descriptions seem a bit vague, and even though they are supposed to be only kind of in their monster state, I think you could describe it a little more.

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I think you did a good job at portrayin the character's emotions and what they were thinking. The reader can really understand the pain of what Nicole was going through. We hear a lot about how Nicole feels about being controlled by Dr. Hysteria, and also how she feels about Luke.

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
That's it! Overall, a great start to a series (if you're making it a series) which I hope you will continue! Happy writing!

This review courtesy of

Hey there! This is loveissorugrapes and I am here to give you a review/comment. This is one of my first times reviewing fanfics in this site. because I haven't found that much fanfictions here that I relate to like Spiderverse or something might post one soon hehe. I have never watched this movie but let us just review this story because I do not know if the movie rating is good for 13/14 year olds so yeah. Plus, I am not interested in scary movies. But anyways, let's get to the review. I also do not know if Nicole is the main character or like one of the friends of the main character in the movie. I know it would be better but I like how this was written that is why I am reviewing it.

I can’t sleep. I just can’t. I keep thinking about Dr.Hysteria and when he said those cruel words to me:”Nicole, you are mine.” I felt like I was going to suffocate in on myself. I tried telling Beth about it, but his spell always got to me.

I remember when everything was this awful, dark blur. I couldn’t hear anything either. I felt weak too. Powerless. Lost. Alone.

But that’s behind me now. Beth had sent Dr.Hysteria and his minions to Hell. She saved everyone. This will never happen to me again.

So why do I keep having nightmares about it?

I can’t just lie here anymore. I have to get up. Maybe going to the bathroom will help clear my mind.

I turn on the light in the bathroom and walk up to the mirror.

I was crying. I can see from the tears on my face and my red eyes. But that’s not what I’m really worried about.

My hair is extremely messy, even for bed head. My face seems more hollow and dark. I look just like how I did when I was about to turn into a witch.

Maybe I’m not really turning into a witch. Maybe it’s just from being sad and tired. Maybe there’s nothing to worry about.

I look down at my hands, just to make sure.

I have long witch’s nails.

I’m turning into a witch again.

But I don’t hear Dr.Hysteria’s voice in my ear. I feel normal.

So why is this happening to me?

Someone knocks on the front door.

Who would be knocking at this hour?

I open the front door. I come from a family of really heavy sleepers. So heavy that they wouldn’t hear someone knocking on their door in the middle of the night.

Oh great. It’s Luke. I can tell from the silhouette. Luke has come all the way over here just to sing me his stupid “rap songs”. I can’t deal with it right now. I’m still trying to figure out why this is happening to me.

“Listen Luke, your songs are nice, but-“

“I didn’t come here to sing.” He says. He walks up to me before I can tell him to go away.

Luke looks like Luke, except his face is covered in clown makeup and instead of being brown, it’s orange.

He’s turning into a clown.

“I wanted to see if it was happening to you too.” He says.

I close the door behind us really slowly. I don’t know why. I guess I don’t want to slam it too loudly. Maybe I’m scared. I don’t know.

“We should text Kellen about this. He was a monster too.” I say. We can’t be the only ones dealing with this. Maybe Kellen was dealing with this too. If what I think is happening is happening, then we have a lot more work to do.

“I tried texting him, but he didn’t respond. He’s probably out with Princess Beth, making smooching faces at her.” Luke smiles at me and starts doing disgusting kissing lips.

I wish that he would be serious for once in his life.

“He didn’t respond?”

Luke shakes his head while still doing the duck lips. Honestly, he needs to get over himself.

He would have responded immediately to us if it were happening to him. Then again, he didn’t respond to my texts when I was the only one at the carnival and I wanted him to come hang out.

He was just brooding over Beth, okay? Get over it, it happened a year ago.

“Stay here. If it wears off by morning, then we have nothing to worry about. If not, then I have makeup that could conceal our transformation well.” I say.

Luke stops doing the duck lips and stares at me with big, dumb, puppy dog eyes.

“You like me?”

“No! I’m just doing this because of what’s happening! It has nothing to do with you!” I yell. My family still sleeps. I swear, they don’t wake up until the rays of sunlight hit them.

Why does Luke always have to be such a tool?

“Come on. Let’s get your sleeping arrangements ready.”

I take Luke’s wrist and lead him upstairs to my room. He hasn’t made a single joke about me touching him. That’s weird. Usually he says something annoying.

Eh, maybe he got tired of it. If I were him, I’d get tired of me too.