Hello Hello I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I figured Since I reviewed a few of these I could do this one. Forgive me for doing it out of order and still not watching the original movie. With that being said I hope I can give some feedback or brighten your day.
Overall, I liked this piece even if it is shorter. Despite me not knowing much about the plot I feel it was moving well and as if something big is coming up. The pacing was well done too not lingering on points for too long.
With that being said I do feel like there are some things I want to point out.
“Yeah, you guys have been acting weird all day.” Beth says, raising an eyebrow.
I feel everything past that line might flow better as its own paragraph. It feels a little too long to be attached to the dialogue tag.
Ms. Sarkosian wanted her to join Journaling Club, but she declined.
This will be a bit nitpicky and might be based on a culture thing but I don't think journaling is the right term. I would put something like this.
Ms. Sarkosian wanted her to join the Journalism Club, but she declined.
Lastly, the use of after back to back in the end feels a bit repetitive. I don't have too much to recommend but I would do something like this.
After school, we’ll figure this out. In a few long hours, everything will be okay.
After all, Dr. Hysteria wouldn’t dare come for us again, right?
It's not perfect but might break the use of after up a little bit. Please remember that you don't have to use this feedback they are just my thoughts.
Good job on this one! As always Drink water and keep writing!
Points: 21749
Reviews: 187
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