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The monster within | Chapter Six |

by vampricone6783


*This is Chapter Six of my fanfic “The monster within”. This is underneath my folder titled “The monster within”. This story is a fanfic of the R.L. Stine movie: “Monsterville: Cabinet of Souls”. It takes place a year after the events of the movie. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*



NICOLE

“Yeah, you guys have been acting weird all day.” Beth says, raising an eyebrow. She’s always so inquisitive. If anything were wrong with us she would be the first person to notice it. Ms. Sarkosian wanted her to join the Journalism Club, but she declined. She’d rather hang out with us. I can’t tell if it’s because she likes us or if it’s out of pity. I have no idea how to feel about this.

Yet it’s Kellen who is the first one to ask. Beth must be influencing him. Either way, we’re both doomed.

“We wanted to tell you guys later.” I say, trying not to sound suspicious.

“And by later, you mean…” Beth makes a hand gesture for me to continue. Kellen watches, folding his hands. Luke swallows today’s french fries rather loudly. Ugh, why is he so gross?

“After school!” I blurt out, cringing at how high my voice sounds.

I hope I didn’t sound too panicky. I can’t afford having this conversation now.

It’s okay. We’re all good for now. Beth and Kellen have gone back to eating their lunch. Luke is also eating, but obnoxiously. I’ve managed to divert their attention.

After school, we’ll figure this out. Everything will be okay.

After all, Dr. Hysteria wouldn’t dare come for us again, right?


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187 Reviews

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Reviews: 187

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Fri Jun 14, 2024 4:43 am
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Moonlily wrote a review...



Hello Hello I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I figured Since I reviewed a few of these I could do this one. Forgive me for doing it out of order and still not watching the original movie. With that being said I hope I can give some feedback or brighten your day.

Overall, I liked this piece even if it is shorter. Despite me not knowing much about the plot I feel it was moving well and as if something big is coming up. The pacing was well done too not lingering on points for too long.

With that being said I do feel like there are some things I want to point out.

“Yeah, you guys have been acting weird all day.” Beth says, raising an eyebrow.


I feel everything past that line might flow better as its own paragraph. It feels a little too long to be attached to the dialogue tag.

Ms. Sarkosian wanted her to join Journaling Club, but she declined.


This will be a bit nitpicky and might be based on a culture thing but I don't think journaling is the right term. I would put something like this.

Ms. Sarkosian wanted her to join the Journalism Club, but she declined.


Lastly, the use of after back to back in the end feels a bit repetitive. I don't have too much to recommend but I would do something like this.


After school, we’ll figure this out. In a few long hours, everything will be okay.

After all, Dr. Hysteria wouldn’t dare come for us again, right?


It's not perfect but might break the use of after up a little bit. Please remember that you don't have to use this feedback they are just my thoughts.

Good job on this one! As always Drink water and keep writing!




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244 Reviews

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Reviews: 244

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Tue Apr 30, 2024 8:35 am
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AkuRashomon wrote a review...



Hello! This is AkuRashomon and I do know it has been awhile since I have reviewed or commented on your work. But to be honest, I love this novel(?) you are writing. Although, nowadays, I have only been reading them. But if you want a review, I think your writing style has improved and rather, the plot has also gotten less confusing :D

For some reason, I just love Beth's quirkiness here. She's been one of my favorite characters recently, reading this and the past chapters. This work of yours has been reminding me of that one TV show that got famous named Stranger Things. I would genuinely want to see a twist in this story. I also see some improvement in the dialogue. I like the fact that you do not just use the word "said". You would add more detail to what the character's doing, the character's emotions, tone and stuff like that. I would love to see what is inspired by this fanfic if I have time.

Just keep me updated and tag me on your comments because as my bio says, school is a pain in the butt. I would be here from time to time but not much. I only post poems on my forum for Napo and for fun. I think I rarely do reviews but I would do that when I have a vacay after my finals and moving up ceremony. Anyway, thank you for sharing this piece, @vampricone6783!

- AkuRashomon




vampricone6783 says...


I%u2019m glad you like this! I%u2019ll be sure to keep you updated. :>

This fanfic is a fanfic of the R.L. Stine movie %u201CMonsterville: Cabinet of Souls%u201D.



AkuRashomon says...


:D




Is anyone else desperately waiting to see themselves in the quote gen?
— TheCursedCat