*This fanfic is underneath my folder titled “FNAF fanfics”. It takes place in the past, when William Afton (the main character of this fanfic) is 11-12! The girl he is looking at is Mrs. Afton when she is 11-12! She is not a canon character to the lore so any name and personality that people will come up with is canon. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs <33”. Enjoy!*
William sat cross-legged on the grass, watching the girl dance.
Her dress billowed and swayed around her, like Wilma’s did at parties. The girl had a smile on her face, her eyes blissfully closed.
William wished that he was a better artist, like Wilma. She could paint landscapes.
But when he drew the girl on paper with the blue and purple crayons, the only crayons Wilma let him use, the girl looked like a dancing clown and less like a dancing ballerina.
The girl stopped dancing and opened her eyes. She was looking directly at William.
He hastily closed his sketchbook. It wasn’t complete and she wouldn’t like it when it was finished anyway, but still, he felt the need to hide it.
“Were you looking at me?” She asked.
“Y-yes.” William stuttered. He didn’t expect her to acknowledge him. Everyone in town knew to avoid him and his family. She just moved, but she should have known after three days.
“I’m Philomena, but you can call me Mena.” She said.
“What’s your name?” Mena asked.
So she didn’t know. That explained her ease at talking to him.
Their parents always told Wilma and William, ever since they were little, that they should never talk to anyone. They said that they weren’t allowed to have children, that the Afton family name was cursed.
He had made only one friend. His name was Henry Emily and every day, he secretly feared that Henry was in danger. William liked being with him, but still, he worried.
Nothing had happened to Henry. Henry himself laughed at the Afton rumor.
Maybe he was right. Maybe it was just a rumor.
It would be nice to have a friend other than Henry…
“My name is William. William Afton.” He said, standing up.
He didn’t need to say his last name. It came out of instinct. Their parents told him and his sister that they should introduce themselves with their last names, so people would know to stay away from them.
“It’s nice to meet you, Will. Can I call you Will?” Mena asked.
“It’s alright, you can.” William said.
She was so sweet and beautiful…he hoped that she’d stay that way…
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
I like William Afton...he is beautiful...I dreamt of him while at the battle of Yorktown...Alexander Hamilton was my right-hand man...we drafted the redcoats. but I didn't defeat the fire in my heart for William Afton...I dream of him when I'm in battle..he's what keeps me going...Sometimes I read this and I imagine that I'm Mena...I do dance...and I do so like a beautiful young woman...I connect with Willy...in a spiritual way...and My friends sometimes like Alexander Hamilton call me Mena...short for George Washington...you can't spell Mena without George Washinton...I built Mount Vernon for Billy Afty.... My boyfriend/girlfriend/non binary partner (sometimes all of the Above) .... whom kept my bed warm during the war....I dream of Billiam when I see Alexander...my wife/...Alexander...but I dream of boyfriend/girlfriend/both/neither...William...Billy...he means so much more to me....When I am freezing in the war I think of Willies embrace....and I imagine myself dancing Infront of him...from that one day...frolicking in the field...he loves when I bust a move...oh my dear William...I love the tribute you made for me by writing this...I love how you remember those days...and my full name before I changed it to George Washington...do not forget that's who I am...I love William afton...and I have to leave because the bell for war hath just rung...but as I continue to fight for freedom I think of that day...dancing for you...and this tribute to me...Philomena Washington...
Wow this is so poetic
I believe you did an excellent job of giving this seemingly simple piece a creepy vibe. By beginning with the girl dancing, you set an eerie tone without being overt. I think it effectively portrays Williams's profound fear of the curse, to the extent that he feels anxious even just talking to someone.
"Her dress billowed and swayed around her, like Wilma’s did at parties. The girl had a smile on her face, her eyes blissfully closed.”
I also liked the words you used to describe the girl: billowed and swayed. It sets her character as a bit odd and mysterious, which is then confirmed when she doesn’t know William or his family’s curse.
So glad you enjoyed this!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression
Well it looks like an interesting meeting here all the hidden potential for horrors of course ever so present lurking in the background. I think you've done a great job capturing it here.
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Well that's an interesting little start, a little drawing and a little dancing. Definitely captures your attention this. At any rate, it seems to be innocent enough. We'll see where this takes us from here.
Oooh interesting. Looks like poor William isn't used to getting any kind of attention and its pretty clear that he has no confidence in his ability to draw either. We'll see how this interaction is going to go now.
Oooh well looks like we have the answer to why William is so hesitant to talk. That certainly adds an extra little dimension to everything here. Hopefully that curse doesn't cause any issues.
Hmm well it looks like William here is taking his shot although judging by what we know of the future it does not appear like its going to end too well. For now though, all things seem to be alright.
Well isn't that an ominous to what appears to at least on the surface be so far innocent enough. I'm not familiar enough with the lore to know what would happen next but either way I love the tension you create with this particular ending.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
Overall
Overall I think you've done a great job really showcasing how William is navigating this rather complex set of emotions about his family and wanting a friend, giving just enough hints at the horror that lies within but showcasing how much poor William needs a friend all at the same time!
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate