Young Writers Society

Hello there, Vagrant !!

This is Eros here, with a review for this beautiful romantic poem...

First of all the most beautiful thing in this poem is the repeated usage of the word, Forever.
It adds a lyrical effect to this poem. I loved this poem, and also loved your way of expressing the thoughts about how love can change a person's life.

The way you have described the transition from sadness to happiness is blended together perfectly. I loved it.

The presentation of the poem is also very good. I especially loved that picture on the top. I felt as if I am reading an actual hard copy of the poem. The picture above gives it a feeling ...a soft feeling.

The way you have described the natural elements like the nights, stars , and the way they represent every different feeling is awesome.

Like, a drop of water in draught, represents the feeling of satisfaction etc.

Everything you have described here is really beautiful.

Overall, a wonderful poem. An amazing work...

Keep writing such awesome stuff and we will keep reading them !

Have a great day/ night !

~Eros

Hey vagrant! Katja here yo hopefully provide helpful feedback on your poem today! Please feel free to disregard anything I suggest or comment on, should you feel that it is not helpful. That being said, onto the review.

Overall, your poem is sweet and flows well. The poem is told from a narrator's perspective who depicts loneliness and suffering in the beginning. Then, they found a person who changed this entirely for them, one that they presumably fell in love with. The poem takes an interesting turn... the person their affections are aimed at has a lover themselves. This definitely surprised me, and left me to wonder why the narrator can love them so deeply when they have a lover.

What I liked:

I strolled forever,

Forever.

I love you

And will do forever,

Forever.

I found an oasis in a desert.

A drop of water in a drought,

A glimpse of stars in a dark night.

It was love. Isn’t that what you call love?

Thanks for sharing this poem about a person who searches for love and feels that it has been finally found. The poetic mood is one of deep appreciation for having found alleviation for all the psychological suffering which the person experienced before he found love. As a reader I could not see exactly how the person was suffering since no exact details are provided. So I understand the poem as merely an expression of appreciation and not one that is striving to convince me about the rightness or wrongness of the emotions expressed.

I like the imagery used of desert, drought, stars, night, water drop. I also like the way that the poem strives to create a mood of persistence via the repetition of the word forever. Also, the ending with that word is very moving.


My Thoughts

Of course as a fellow human being I felt sorry for the persons sufferings as I read. Fr a brief moment I felt happy that the search for happiness was over. But then I had second thoughts when i read that the beloved person has a lover and that it doesn’t matter to the speaker. That caused me to wonder whether the object of his devotion was worthy of that devotion.

All in all a very interesting read. Looking forward toreading moreof your work.

Suggestions:

Not sure whether the word “strolling” is the best with which to describe a desperate search for happiness. Strolling is a slow, casual, unconcerned type of walking. Also, if the strolling is a search for happiness, why does it continue after happiness is found? If indeed it isn’t a search for happiness then what does the strolling represent?

[Searching for peace, . . .]
[Searching for happiness . . .]

It harmonizes more with : Finding your love, . . . .

And will do . . . .
[And will do so . . . .]