Nightmare- Take 1

This. Was. AMAZING! I don't like reviewing poetry because it's all about the writers style, and I have no right to judge it. But I will say this is a review because I want that next star.
When I started this a tune just automatically sprung in my head and I didn't read this, I sang it. It was beautiful.

This. Was. AMAZING! I don't like reviewing poetry because it's all about the writers style, and I have no right to judge it. But I will say this is a review because I want that next star.
When I started this a tune just automatically sprung in my head and I didn't read this, I sang it. It was beautiful.

I actually like this version more. It's beautiful and has just the right amounts of darkness. You did a great job, and it's the perfect length for the themes of the poem. I'm going to repeat the fact that I loved the matching of the first and last stanza/lines. It's beautiful, and might I say that my favortie lines were,

"Sleep, Sleep, tonight you sleep.
Till Dawn awakens you, don't say a peep.

Wake, Wake in the night.
Breathe, Breathe to calm your fright."

Because they give illusions of a weak/helpless child that has these terrible dreams and wakes up in sheer terror, then has to force herself back to sleep, and to breathe and be calm. It's magnificent, and admirable.
Good job, and keep it up!

Basically... I was gonna say exactely what "Charade" said...
Loved how you bound the first and second stanzas together!

My favorite lines were;

“Wake, Wake in the night.
Breathe, Breathe to calm your fright:

Dream, Dream a peaceful dream.
Scream, Scream a dreadful scream.”

So.. that's what "Charade" said, and that's where I agree. But I do have some other things to say aswell!
I think the rythm and flow worked pretty well for the better part of this and I don't find anything in particular that should be changed when it comes to that. You've used good punctation so that's great and ehm.. well I have one little nitpick.. or rather personal opinion;

"Remember, Remember where you are.
Don't, Don't go so far." - Here I think it would sound better if you wrote "too far" instead of "so far".

Well, that was it for me. Overall it was quite amazing and I like your style of writing very much! 3½/5 spiders to you!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

Hewwu again ^-^
First off, I absolutely love how at the beginning you write: “Fall, Fall, Fall away. Fall, Fall into “yesterday.”
And when it’s closing, it reads: “Falling, Falling, Falling away. Falling, Falling into “today.”
Creative
How do I compliant without sounding like a kiss-butt? Heheh XD
I appreciate writing like this. It has a dark edge to it, but in a good way. (Its titled: "Nightmare", so I guess you were going for something like that lol)

“Wake, Wake in the night.
Breathe, Breathe to calm your fright:

Dream, Dream a peaceful dream.
Scream, Scream a dreadful scream.”

Basically, I love it ^-^ And I don’t say that lightly.

liVe lOnG aNd PrOsPeR—cHaRaDe <3

It was suppose to be a nursery rhyme at first but I thought that it was a little to...... odd? to be one. You probably could sing it

I think that this is awesome - I just love it and there's nothing wrong with it. And anyway, this kind of repetition would look great in a song! Can you sing?

I wasn't really trying to imitate anything. It just came to me one day and I built on it.

I like how the title makes sense when paired with the poem. However I am not so much of a fan with the repetition style. Firstly it seems like your writing in a stutter, and secondly it can just be straight out annoying reading the same word all the time. Any way I thought it was okay but could be better. Keep Writing

Are you trying to imitate a stutter?

Good use of repetition. I did not find it too overwhelming because it seemed to have a purpose for dramatic effect. My only issue would be the first verse,

Fall, Fall, Fall away.
Fall, Fall into yesterday.