I can't contain
The feelings inside;
The pressure's too great,
The strain is more.
You’ve already broken through
The wall built around my heart.
I’ve taken that step,
Let you this far.
I want to reach out
And touch your hand,
But I’m afraid
You’ll pull away.
I'm gunna lose it,
I can't handle this much.
Having you so close,
But feeling so distant.
Many nights
I've had to erase,
Those three little words,
I'd love to say.
I don’t know why
I torture myself
With thoughts and dreams of us,
When I know they won’t come true.
The thing is,
I love you;
I have for some time,
You’re perfect in my mind.
You cause the light
In my eyes;
The smile
On my lips.
I love you,
But,
You don’t feel the same.
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139,365 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
This is a very powerful piece. I love that you made the reader feel what you were. I think that if you brought in the sadness, that I can imagine comes with the longing, that this piece would really grab at people and encompass people the way it should.
I love the flow of the poem it feels natural and right when you read it. This is one of the hardest things to accomplish because in poetry, even the slightest word change can alter the feeling and flow of the poem either making it seem to lag, go to fast or just feel unbalanced. In your poem I do not see that and it shows that you have a greater understanding of the feel of a poem.
The last stanza I feel fell a little short on the ending. I feel as if it should have had a greater impact on the reader and this could be achieved by different word choices. Maybe going into better detail, maybe something like,
I love you with everything I have,
but,
the feeling is foreign to you
not that exactly because it doesn't fit with the rest of the poem but do something similar and it will evoke a deeper emotion to the poem that I think you are looking for.
Thanks for the awesome feedback!
It was beautiful, that's for sure. I loved how much feeling was put into the words behind this poem. Truly, I was moved by this. It was amazing epic and accurate. You clearly experienced a heartbreak in the past, and it's amazing how you turned your pain into writing.
Overall, I'm gonna say it was epic and I loved it. Nice wording, nice planning, nice everything. Don't think I'm being too nice, it was really that good. Go ahead, people, call me an amateur for not knowing what was wrong with this. Obviously people who give this poem hate have no empathy for the tragedy of heartbreak.
~Kristen~
Thanks for the review! Yes I have experienced heartbreak in the past and I am currently in the situation I wrote about! And it's fine if you can't find anything wrong with it, that just means I wrote it well! ^_^
Timmy is here for a quick review before I go do something very important... Sleeeeeepppp
Alright, I have specific style of reviewing, just like you have your specific style of poetry... Shall we begin?
Nitpicks
While some repetition is great, I think this kind with "the" being the repetitious word doesn't work out too well. I don't know if you meant it as repetitious, but that is what happened! My suggestion would be just change one word which would change much of it... Instead of The feelings inside;, perhaps you could make it These feelings inside?
This seems a bit vague here... The strain is more than... what? Let me know what is going on. Let me feel everything you feel. The only way I can do that is if you tell me how. Imagine your reader as someone who had never felt love before and yearns to know what it is, but can't seem to grasp it. You have to explain it to them...
This part seems a little forced to me, and I think the second line is to blame for all of it. Perhaps you could add just an "and" in the beginning of the second line, which would enable the first line to just flow over into the second.
Ok, so that sums up my nitpicks! Well, I guess that isn't entirely true... I have one more!
My last nitpick are the commas. To me, a comma is like a mental break. Not quite a period, but enough for my mind to stop for a moment before continuing. I know many poets put a comma after the end of each line no matter what, but with this poem it doesn't seem to fit in. Its written too... freely. Its more like a letter fashioned into poem format, and I think it needs to be able to flow into the next line without the comma hindering that. Some lines I think the commas should say, but others I think they could go...
Oh, and please keep in mind that this is my opinion only... Poetry is more freestyle than anything, and the only true critic is yourself because only you know your style of poetry. Everyone else can only guess. I hope I guessed correctly.
Faving time and Style!
Ok, so by now you have probably begun to understand my style of reviewing. I review as I read, so nitpicks followed by raving(faving)...
This was a very neat personal poem. It was very emotional, although you can't conjure any tears from me! I am too... ummm... *coughs* tough.
My favorite part would have to be this, hands down:
I thought that part was very beautiful. Everyone always imagines a wall built around them; impenetrable, rock, or whatever they can imagine. But I never thought of one built around your heart. I liked that.
I guess my final comment on this piece was this little weird thing I found in the piece that almost seemed like a link to me.
Was that intentional to have the link in "close"
Awesome work! You should write more often.
~Darth Timmyjake
So I just wrote this huge reply to your awesome review and it didn't post.
-_- SO I shall retype it all but post it in separate replies.
I absolutely love the way you started this review, because sleep is very important. In fact, I couldn't stop chuckling while reading it!
I didn't mean to be repetitive in that first part so I shall change it to what you suggested! Also when I said The strain is more. I was referring to the above line when I said The pressure's too great,.
Well that works too! Haha. So I will add the "and" into that line because I understand what you mean, and that will make it sound better. You are also right when assuming I am a poet that likes to have a comma or something at the end of each line, but I will see if I can slim this down any.
So the strain is more than the pressure? Ok, that makes sense.
The part that is your favorite actually caused me to most trouble. I had a really difficult time figuring out where to put it so it wouldn't sound horrible. I think where I placed it was good though! ^_^
Ok.
That all makes sense to me. 
I loved this poem!! Especially the difficult part you mentioned...
Yeah, that's what that part is getting at. I had no intention of putting the link thingy in there, that is just something my computer does on it's own. It is quite annoying but I have no clue how to shut it off. I'm really glad you love it! Also you're right, I should write more often but I just don't have that many ideas. When I write, it's pretty much spontaneous because a thought pops into my head and I gotta write it down.
Thank you so much for the suggestions! I thought I wasn't going to get anybody to critique this piece and that kinda worried me, but you did! Thanks, I appreciate it! ^_^ You always write really good reviews.
Awww... thank you!
No problem.
Hey, I'm here to review your poem =)
Love love love this. Everything about this. There's so much emotion here, the kind of emotion you'd (possibly) find in thousand word entries, where the poem goes on and on and on, but you've managed to master it in much less than that. You have a lot of talent, and I really like your style.
I think this is especially beautiful. Your writing is especially beautiful =P Nice work!
Thank you sooo much for the review! ^_^
Oh my god. Can I just tell you that this piece was beautiful?
Every inch of this was structurally, emotionally, and phonetically tied together perfectly. I couldn't find a single mistake anywhere. (Well, I like to spell 'gunna' like 'gonna', but that's just a matter of preference)
You did really well on this and I'm really impressed.
Keep up the good work!
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! ^_^