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139,546 Literary Works • 672,605 Reviews
Wow. I love the poem, but I think that the repetitiveness is a bit much. I can be cut down just little and still have the same effect. Also, I love the fact that the first stanza is an 'opening' and the last is a 'closing.'
I like the darkness of the poem, and the messages hidden within. It's written well and worded beautifully, but maybe the repeating of everything hinders the message. Still, good job as always, and keep at it!
Hello Tash. Jordin here with a review for you (That you requested from me.) I hope it is of some help to you.
This might sound better as .Another thing you make to many repeats in this poem it would sound better with less. I mean not all of them should be cut out though.
But overall this was good. your grammar was good except for the repeats. Your punctuation was a little over loaded (You had to many periods I think.). Your spelling was exemplary.
Keep writing and good luck.
~Jon~
Sorry for it being so small.
Thanks for the review.
While the overall pattern in this is nice, I think that some of the rhymes are a bit forced (which can't really be helped, rhyming is really difficult), and the rhythm is a bit off. You try to force too many syllables into a line, and the whole thing ends up sounding rushed.
However, the pattern of repeating the first word in every line is quite unique and interesting; just make sure it doesn't get too repetitive, or it will get boring.
Nice piece!
Wow really good!
Thank you