My Dreams

The poem was beautiful. I like the use of the small rhyme with 'lights-flight' but it's not really consistent. I think that maybe a rhyme scheme or a particular beat would help beautify the poem. Not that it isn't beautiful. It's amazing, but maybe fine-tuning it won't hurt. Your grammar was great, and the use of repetition is great at making your main theme in the poem clear.

"They will keep on living,
After my time."
I find these lines beautiful. They portray many emotions that make me feel inspired to do something, to accomplish something. Great job. I think I've fallen completely in love with your poem.

I want to start off by saying that was fabulous! I wasn't paying much attention to grammar (though I feel like you've got a good grasp on that), so my opinion may not count for much, but here it is anyway.

"I want my dreams to come true" I found this rather cliche...but this was probably the only thing I disliked about your poem. Well, maybe the phrase "little lights" was off as well...not very good diction choice...

"My dreams are not made of gas,
Like stars,
And wont fade with time."
I thought this phrase was amazing. The comparison was very original.

Well, that's it. Good luck in your writing.

OMG this was amazing,i love how you wrote this about your dreams,everything was amazing and i just really like this.

When I look up at the stars,
I just don't see little lights.
I see a world of possibilities,
That can take flight.
I know I am just hoping,
That my dreams take flight too.
Hope is a risk
I am willing to take,
In order to accomplish,
All that I want to.
I want my dreams to come true,
And not fall like some stars.
My dreams are not made of gas,
Like stars,
And wont fade with time.
My dreams.
They will keep on living,
After my time.

awsome poem

A simple piece, but very, very heartfelt! I like the reassurance you give yourself at the end of the poem:

"My dreams.
They will keep on living,
After my time."

However, my favorite lines are the first three! "A world of possibilities"--simply beautiful!

Keep it up!

This poem is very inspirational for someone whos leaving college or high school or something. It has lots of emotion and good desciptions. Very nice, dont stop.

if one of your dreams is to become one of the best writers in the world have already done that

tkpejb wrote:When I look up at the stars,
I just don't see little lights.
I see a world of possibilities,
That can take flight.
I know I am just hoping,
That my dreams take flight too.
Hope is a risk.I am willing to take,
In order to accomplish,
All that I want to.
I want my dreams to come true,
And not fall like some stars.
My dreams are not made of gas,
Like stars,
And wont fade with time.
My dreams.
They will keep on living,
After my time.

i like the poem

I see a world of possibilities, I am sure you can make this less direct and boring. How do you see a world of possibilities, what am I supposed to think of? Or is it (mystery) Any old one will do. You pick. That kind imagery.
That can take flight. Worlds take flight? That doesn't make a lot of sense. Considering the way you have it punctuated, you may want to remove that comma after possbilities.
I know I am just hoping, I think you should put hope is like a risk that I am willing to take, here. Then play with your surrounding lines to make it fit. I believe that would make it better and a more relatable sense of what is happening.
That my dreams take flight too.
Hope is a risk
I am willing to take,
In order to accomplish, If you're taking a risk, I think it is safe to assume you're trying to accomplish something. And you should also try being less direct, like I said before. This is very up and in your face and that's just boring.
All that I want to.
I want my dreams to come true,
And not fall like some stars. The some, pretty much ruins it. You shoud replace some with all.
My dreams are not made of gas, Where is the flow and interconnecting ideas? Yeah, it's all about your dreams and the risks and hope involved in doing nothing. It goes from descriptions of what vague possibilities you see, then to the, also vague, risks you're going to take, then to your talk of dreams, which is also vague. In what ways are these things happening.
like stars,
And wont fade with time. You should try a more complex comparason, my dreams are stronger than the stars, that light broken dreams to paths of realisation. Something like that, that can be used in more than one way. Depending on how you go about using your other ideas. Like mentioning buildings and other parts of the city and using them in comparason, this line would give the impression of being on a darkish, scary, broken road. Or something like that, and it becomes a much more useful line.
My dreams.
They will keep on living,
After my time. I still don't know what your dream is, but I am getting the idea that it's to be a star or something of the sort? And the poem hasn't really talked about being forgotten or anything like that, so this ending seems a bit out of place.

amazing poem!!!

thanks for the feedback.my class loved it.

tkpejb wrote:When I look up at the stars,
I just don't see little lights.
I see a world of possibilities,
That can take flight.
I know I am just hoping,
That my dreams take flight too.
Hope is a risk
I am willing to take,
In order to accomplish,
All that I want to.
I want my dreams to come true,
And not fall like some stars.
My dreams are not made of gas,
Like stars,
And wont fade with time.
My dreams.
They will keep on living,
After my time.

tkpejb wrote:When I look up at the stars,
I just don't see little lights.
I see a would of possibilities, (would should be world)
That can take flight.( beautiful)
I know I am just hoping,
That my dreams take flight too.(in this line it seems that you are comparing your dream to someone elses. it shoud be: that my dreams take flight)
(the following is ver good)
Hope is a risk
I am willing to take,
In order to accomplish,
All that I want to.
I want my dreams to come true,
And not fall like some stars.
My dreams are not made of gas,
Like stars,
And wont fade with time.
My dreams.
They will keep on living,
After my time.