One Breath

I like the poem. I think that it is really good and is vague enough to allow interpretation by the reader which is a necessity when one is in poetry. I feel like you should use different more emotion evoking vocabulary to be able to better convey the feeling you want to. When you say excruciatingly painful, you should describe what it feels like. Make your reader feel what you do and the poem will become a lot more powerful.

The next thing that I would like to mention is flow. It seems choppy through the poem. For example in the fourth paragraph it says,

This cycle
Is continuous it seems;
Falling, loving,
Hurting, crying.

I feel that if you rearranged the spacing and altered the wording slightly it would greatly benefit. If you possibly said something along the lines of,

This cycle
it just keeps repeating itself
falling, loving
hurting, crying
it just won't end

Also I think that you try to limit yourself to only four lines per stanza and it hinders your writing. I agree with you that you have creative license and poetry is definitely the place where this is best exercised. Take that advantage to add that extra description or convey a feeling that you want to.

My final criticism is that I think in some places you could minimize what words you say to let the reader better absorb the feeling of the piece. Where I am mainly talking about is when you say,

I miss having someone,
That I can talk to about everything;
I’m all alone in this world,
Surrounded by people that don’t care.

There are other places but this is the first one that popped out at me. If you write it similar to,

I miss having someone,
that I can really talk to
I'm alone
Surrounded by the uncaring

When you do this it adds feeling while also allowing the reader to understand what you are explaining.

Keep in mind these are all suggestions and you don't have to change it to anything that I suggested it was merely to convey what I was talking about. I think that this is a strong piece that with a little tinkering will become a powerful statement of this time in your life that everyone will be able to feel and understand at the level that you do. Keep on writing you never know what will come of it and you have the skills to be able to go far.

Oh good golly gosh, can we stop using the whole scars thing. There are so many things that hurt more than scars and are actually original. The whole poem after someone uses scar is just over-dramatic teen years kinda stuff that has the reader lacking empathy for the character. It can, and does destroy your poem. It is totally emotionless, watered-down words that almost everyone is tired of hearing. --moving on

The other stanza's are wishwash because they are cliche. Your fifth stanza however is actually original and it is one of your only good stanza's because it feels like it is coming from you and not anyone else. It also adds imagery so that is good but the whole drip-drop thing is again, unoriginal.

This poem is choppy and only has partly sometimes a little bit of content. It doesn't tell a story but it tells us how you feel. It would be fine if you found ways to make it more "you" so i urge you to do that.

Hey there! Purple here to give you a review! Let's get down to business.
I like the general subject of this poem and it has a nice, continuous beat. It was a little peculiar how you switched from the depressing tone to sad about lost love or maybe longing to have the good kind of love you heard of and hoping it's real. It's sweet when people still hope for that, but the switch from subjects was a little weird for me. I feel like you should focus on one or the other. My biggest issue with this is your repeated incorrect use of semi-colons. Semi-colons are not used in place of a colon or comma, but when you have two complete sentences with similar meanings. For example "My ex is dating someone else; I miss her." Alike subjects and technically complete sentences that could stand on their own but work better together. In fact, most of the places you have semi-colons are in the place of what should be a period. I would strongly suggest editing your punctuation then you'll be good to go.
Have a nice day
~Purple

Hi there, LGF here for a quick review...

Wow, this was an interesting poem. It was... Well I don't really know, it just left me sort of speechless at the end. It was an immensely beautiful poem that was so emotional and left me awed once I'd read it. Really

Anyway, I'll try and do a stanza by stanza review for you;

I live life
One breath at a time;
One foot after another,
Heel-toe, heel-toe.

Really nice opening, it sets out the whole tone for the poem as @Laure said. It's got this haunting rhythm about it in the last two lines that's almost eerie.

These scars
Keep stacking up;
On the outside,
And the inside.

Very nice again. I liked the imagery of the scars stacking up.

The hurt I feel
Is excruciatingly painful;
Deep within
The wall around my heart.

This was the only nitpick I could find in the poem. The second line felt stiff and not natural I feel like you could use some better describing words for the pain. The rest was really nice especially the last line.

This cycle
Is continuous it seems;
Falling, loving,
Hurting, crying.

I live life
One breath at a time;
One unshed tear after another,
Drip-drop, drip-drop.

I'm going to squeeze in two stanza's here. I really liked the third and fourth line 'Falling, Loving, Hurting, Crying' again that haunting rhythm pops up and it was really beautiful. Same as 'One unshed tear after another, Drip-drop, drip-drop.'

The smile on my face
Hides a story;
It’s just a cover-up
So you don’t ask if I’m okay.

At night I lie awake
Wondering if things will ever change;
If I’ll actually find someone
Who loves me, for me.

I really liked the mental image you created here of this girl who feels abandoned by everyone and that they only see her smile, and not whats beneath. Really nice imagery there and the 'Who loves me, for me.' Really struck a nerve in me. Great Job.

I miss having someone,
That I can talk to about everything;
I’m all alone in this world,
Surrounded by people that don’t care.

I live life,
One breath at a time;
Inhale-exhale,
Inhale-exhale.

This was such a beautiful ending I don't know if I can even comment on it (what a review!). It was a really, really nice ending to it and I loved how you used 'Inhale-exhale.' again, because it brings out that pattern again.

Overall, it was a pleasure to read and review such a beautiful poem. Keep up the good work;

LGF

Hey! BitterRosemary here for a review! Let's get things started.

This is brilliant, inspired, whatever you want to call it. It is actually exactly what I intended to write in my next poem. This is an incredible balance of personal feeling and relatable felling, which is a trademark of real poetry; the core of it is personal, its is raw emotions, but it's wrapped up in a beautiful format and worded very well. I am in love with this. Congrats, 10 out of 10. Keep up the good work!
Never stop writing!
BitterRosemary

Oh...this is really sad. It really is but I know how you feel. Truly. Every one of these stanzas appealed to me and held my breathless, I'm afraid this is going to be a very terrible review with me gushing about how beautiful this poem is.

I live life

One breath at a time;

One foot after another,

Heel-toe, heel-toe.

I live life

One breath at a time;

One unshed tear after another,

Drip-drop, drip-drop.

So you don’t ask if I’m okay.

At night I lie awake

Wondering if things will ever change;

If I’ll actually find someone

Who loves me, for me.