I sit here crying.
The salinity of my tears stain this page.
This page that I write on with ink that’s been smudged.
Ink that’s been smudged with my tears.
Ink that voices the sorrows of my life now,
Because I no longer can.
This is the ink of my struggles just to make it through another day.
The ink of a girl that’s sick of crying herself to sleep,
Who no longer has hope,
Who just wants things to change.
The ink doesn’t care who I am,
Doesn’t act like society and judge me.
The ink just takes me for my true self.
This is the ink that keeps me alive.
Ink that I write my soul in,
That will always help me in a bad time.
It will stop me from doing what I’ve done so many times before,
What I have scars from.
This ink will stop my tears.
Stop my tears from hitting this page,
And staining it.
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139,365 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
So obviously, very personal to you. I know sometimes it's hard to change personal poems because they mean so much to a person, but I have a few nitpicks that I hope you consider.
1. It's a bit repetitive. Perhaps delve deeper into what has made you so sad, and how the ink helps you so much, or allows you to vent?
2. Why is the first line indented, but all the other lines aren't?
3. I don't know what it is, but something about this poem isn't quite there.
I liked your third to last stanza. It was cool.
A bit of a cliche topic, but decent execution.
Overall rating: 5.5/10
Hope I wasn't too harsh.
+1
In general I liked your poem.There is a simplicity to it that makes it more concrete and meaningful in a way of its own.I can really relate to it, because sometimes I turn into that person too.The feelings described in it are very deep, and not confusing, the humor in the last line resembles a smile;a fitting epilogue to lighten things up a bit, and give hope.Overall, very good!
Timmyjake here to give you a short review on Review day!
Onto your review!
I am sad to say it, but I think we might lose this fight, no matter how hard we try. The Easterlings are too tough for us!
So this is really good! I loved it, honestly. It seems to be a poem from a girl that doesn't want to keep within the confines on society today. She want to break free and do her own thing, and people won't let her. So she writes about it instead. Very passionate.
I will just hit the few things I saw!
I think there is a little explanation required there. No longer can do what?
I'm thinking that you should cut out the "just"
So I am thinking here that it should be lengthened a bit. Maybe, "To wet and stain it." Or something similar, anyways.
So this was really good! I think a lot of people can relate to this!
~Timmyjake
I just want to say that this poem is absolutely perfect.
You did a really good job thinking about every single word you used.
You're a great writer, that much is obvious.
And the point of the poem is easy to find out.
I enjoyed reading this, really.
Good job!
Thanks for all the compliments/ feedback!
Thanks for all the compliments/ feedback!
You're welcome!
Ok, so let me start from saying that this poem was really touching. Flawlessly described, it makes the reader clearly understand what the writer says. But since it is a poem, shouldn't there be rhythm in it? And at first, you say
"This page that I write on with ink that’s been smudged.
Ink that’s been smudged with my tears." And then you say
"This ink will stop my tears.
Stop my tears from hitting this page,
And staining it."
I don't understand that. And words could have been more simple. Otherwise, very well written.
Thank you for the feedback! Not all poems rhyme, or have to rhyme. I like to have a rhyme pattern but I felt this piece didn't need one. The reason it transitions like I have it from the beginning to end is like how while writing it I have stopped crying and the ink (the writing) has helped me get my voice about how I feel. Again, thanks for the feedback!
you're most welcome sweety!
I have been moved by your words. One can truly feel the severity of the pain and hopelessness that the writer has portrayed with such simplicity. There was no use of complex vocabulary which might come as a turn-off for some. But to me, it felt so pure. As if the writer herself has gone through this circumstance. Truly touching Great poetry!
Thanks a lot! And it was pure, as you put it, because I have gone through that situation and I wrote from my heart. Thank you again for the feedback!
Wow. This poem basically sums up my life. You did a really good job, and I love how the poem just completely circles around. It's well written, and amazing. I feel a connection to this now, and I love it. Completely. I find the fact that the ink comforts the narrator strange, yet interesting. I adore the wording and the simplicity of each line, and each stanza. Or rather, each assumed stanza. Either way, good job, and keep writing.
The symbol of the ink is suppose to represent writing. And I was having trouble with the stanzas but I figured out how to get them to show up. Thank you for your feedback!
Ah, so that explains it. xD I'm not good with symbolism, but now I understand.
Yeah haha.