And there she sat again,
with dry eyes,
watching herself break--
feeling her heart shatter
into a million shards of glass--
so jagged,
that they destroyed her from within.
A shaky breath escaped her lips;
she was lost,
her mind was running wild.
'This would take the pain away,' she thought
as she dragged the blade across her wrist.
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140,498 Literary Works • 673,255 Reviews
I love this poem. It's short. It's sad.
I also love the tone you convey. The refrain from capitalization in most of the lines gives us a sense of hopelessness of the speaker. I can see the depression you're trying to convey in this girl. It's absolutely amazing.
May I suggest the use of em-dashes? In literary purposes, they can be more effective than the regular dash.
Overall this poem is perfect. The tone is concise. But the end is very sad as we see what is actually going on, but I guess this is how it goes sometimes.
I look forward to seeing more of your poems. I think you have a lot of potential. So good job.
- Shay
Thank you for the review, Shay. I usually use em-dashes too. I don't know how I forgot to use them here. And thanks for the appreciation!
P.S. You could check out some more of my work.
This was a good poem. The topic matter was handled well, and the mood is apparent. However, I feel as though the imagery could have been more striking. You did a good job capturing the painful and dark atmosphere, but I found the details a little dull. Giving your readers a clear image in their minds is important in poetry, and it fell a little short here. But enough with the negativity! I think this was an overall beautiful poem, and I'm excited to see what you do in the future!
Thanks for the appreciation. I know this is quite short, but I actually wanna keep it that way.
P. S. Would you like to check out some of my other works?
No problem. And I'd love to!
i love the writing keep it coming !!!!
Thanks!
P.S. You could check out some more of my work.