Alone

Hey @thegoldenbird!
I am back again for a review. A different theme this time. A dark one. But you're such a fine writer. Everything you write has a deep impact, at least on me.
This one too, did the same.
Your work is awesome! So terrifying. I was scared of myself while I read it. Yes it is we who are the real cause of our fears. It is our mind that makes us believe all that.
Wow! Great job.
Keep writing. I would love to read more of your works.
Best of luck
Best wishes
Mahira

Hello, I just wanted to say that this poem was really fascinating in the sense of how gloomy yet interesting this poem was.

Normally when you see a poem that has a more depressing nature, the reader finds themselves bored before they get halfway through it.

I can say to you though that this poem was just the right amount of gloomy while still finding a way to keep me reading, which is something I can't say about a lot of poetry I read nowadays.

Keep up the great work and keep writing from the heart.

I like the sense of motion in this poem. The stanzas, to me, felt like feet on the pavement, pounding and moving forward. That really kept me hooked and reading.
I was confused, however, in the third stanza, when you said, “I chose the loneliest of roads / yet I turned around / to check again if someone followed”. I wasn’t quite sure what the intended effect was here. Are you saying the narrator wants to be alone? Or are they are afraid of being followed? I didn’t really understand how the sadness of being alone and the fear of being followed were connected. It did make sense after I read the last stanza, but the images still clashed in my mind.
I was also a little confused by the sixth stanza, where you say “periodic lights played tricks- / tainted by the dark and gloom”. What do the periodic lights represent? The subject of this sentence was a little confusing. Were the periodic lights tainted by the dark and gloom, or was the speaker? (I assume you mean the speaker, but that wasn’t clear from your phrasing). I like the imagery of the lights juxtaposed with the dark and gloom, but I didn’t understand how it fit in the poem.
I did like the twist in the last stanza, however, when you reveal what had been following the narrator was their own shadows. I think the idea of being followed and the idea of constantly running together are a really strong premise. I would suggest reframing the poem to focus it more on those ideas. Nice job! I look forward to reading more of your writing.

Hello! It's been a long while since I've been active on this site and done a review but I wanted to take a crack at it and dust off the cobwebs!

This poem is really amazing, I love the tone and imagery that you used to show this concept.
Now, poetry is great because it can be so unstructured and free, but sometimes punctuation can make a difference!

"My lungs screamed for breath
My body was famished
My legs wanted rest
But I did not stop."

If it were me, I would add commas to the end of the first three lines! Not only does it seem more grammatically correct due to the fact that it's all a single phrase, but the pause adds to the picture being shown of a fatigued body. Wouldn't a person so tired from running pant or breathe hard to cath their breath? I think stylistically that would add more to it

"The street was empty-
As empty as the night
As lonely as myself."

Here is just a minor change of doing a comma at the end of the first line instead of a '-', and moving that to the end of the second line. To me it makes more sense and puts more focus on the subjects you're trying to highlight- the narrator of the poem and their darkness that follows (shadows).

Other than those miniscule changes in punctuation, I like this poem very much and I would change the phrasing of diction used at all!

Great job, I hope to see more work from you in the future!
~RIN