As the war broke out worldwide
each young man was dragged out to fight.
Bombs, missiles and un-nameable terrors
shook the very earth, causing great tremors.
The masses, with utmost hopelessness,
left their homes for peaceful lands
where every man was given shelter;
homes became refugee camps.
Irrespective of all divisions
all got food and a place to sleep-
and in that moment of world war
there coexisted world peace.
--Written in November-December of 2017--
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,498 Literary Works • 673,255 Reviews
Hi thegoldenbird,
Mailice here with a short review!
I didn't think I would come across such a poem when I read the title. It put me in a bit of a short story when I read it, and like the bottom line is that the story here has a general outcome that could be made for very many wars. Let's start.
I love your first paragraph here. It seems like the beginning of a story, so I was surprised when I realised it was a poem. It develops more after that with the second, third line, and I liked that the rhyming comes more from the sound of the pronunciation than just reading it.
I like the general criticism you make here and it sometimes seems very extreme in the choice of words. I think you create a rather one-sided view of the war and the destruction, partly blaming the instigator. I like that on the one hand, but on the other hand you also build up a kind of "ignorance" of the second party.
I like the way you show a kind of neutrality in the conclusion of the poem, where one notices that you want to express that wars exist as well as peace and that a long-lasting world peace will eventually lead to war and so on. You describe the whole poem like a comparison with weeds that grow in the garden and you remove them, but a few weeks later they grow there again.
It's a simple but good poem, with a good ending.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Hello! Hannah here for a quick review. I am attempting team tortoise this month and just realized that I hadn't written a review yet! Anyway, lets get to it.
Grows:
Did you try to attempt rhyming in the first stanza? If you did, I think it would be better if you made it rhyme a little better and made the other stanza's rhyme as well. Also, it seemed kind of strange that the title is world peace when the poem is talking about going to war. I don't think that world peace would follow war, in my opinion but I don't really know.
Glows:
This was a great poem! I liked what it was about, cause some people very close to me have gone through the same things and that is exactly what they have told about, so you got it spot on. Great job! I hope to hear more from you.
I hope that you are enjoying 2021, that you have a good valentines day, that you keep writing and have a good rest of the day!
Sincerely,
Hannah
Thank you for your thoughts. As far as your confusion is concerned, I think the last 2 lines of the poem should be able to clarify that.
After war, it will surely take another decade to finally rebuild everything. Each loss for every single family cannot be easily compensated.
As for me, this is quite short to cover the possible happenings between each lines.
Of course what you say is right. I just wanted to present a different perspective of world peace. Most people think that peace can only be achieved when war is completely over. But often refugees have reported that the country they fled to was so caring to them, finding the human factor, that they found peace despite having their lives wrecked. I just wanted to show that peace can even coexist with something as contrasting as war.
I am afraid I do not understand the central premise presented here. Are you saying that soldiers get a place to sleep and food to eat, which is a kind of peace for the poor and destitute? This is true, in a sense, and in fact, the same is often said of prison's. Technically, this was a solidly written poem, no grammatical errors leap out at me. But it could certainly use more fleshing out, devoting more time to the graphic horrors of war, as well as expanding poetically on your central thesis? I read it, and I feel it just wasn't very impactful.
Actually I just wanted to present a different perspective of world peace. Most people think that peace can only be achieved when war is completely over. But often refugees have reported that the country they fled to was so caring to them, finding the human factor, that they found peace despite having their lives wrecked. I just wanted to show that peace can even coexist with something as contrasting as war.
I agree that it could have been better structured, but I'm just gonna leave it this way coz it's a thing of the past (written 3 years ago) and even my thought process has evolved. Thank you for your remarks though.
Hello! Lady Mysterio, here. It's been a while since I've done a review.
I love this piece. It's a simple piece that still well gets the point of the poem across.
I've never thought about peace being obtained or rather simply being, in the middle of a war. usually, people think of peace as being after a war.
I like the new perspective though.!
Have a good day!
-Lady
Thank you for your words of appreciation
Nice poem. I like it. However, I have to be bit pessimistic here. How can we have world peace when people talk about it while preparing for the next war? It's simply impossible to achieve world peace with such double-standardness.
Of course what you say is right. I just wanted to present a different perspective of world peace. Most people think that peace can only be achieved when war is completely over. But often refugees have reported that the country they fled to was so caring to them, finding the human factor, that they found peace despite having their lives wrecked. I just wanted to show that peace can even coexist with something as contrasting as war.
Understood. I think of it as like - there is war. That's why we value peace. If there was no war, the value of peace would've been lost.