Young Writers Society

Wow, great job on the poem!
You did a great job on the rhyming, but in some places it was inconsistent. I really enjoyed the general idea of the poem, would you rather be numb or feel pain? That is a hard question to answer and I think you could have gone deeper into that idea, it felt like you were only brushing the surface of it.

My favorite part wa the very end.
"The shrieking noises
Or the deathly silence."
Would you rather not be able to feel anything, never able to show emotion. You would be like an empty shell, nothing would bring you joy. Or would you rather feel everything. Feel pain and have to struggle everyday of your life to get by.

Overall, great job! I did not see any grammar mistakes, and I feel like you put punctuation in all the right places. Can't wait to read what you write next!

Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL

Hello, this is an interesting poem that can be also very relatable. I wonder why the narrator feels numb to the point of despair and I also wish that I could somehow pass the restrictive barrier between myself and the narrator and somehow give him or her a hug.
The poem has sad notes and notes that make you feel contemplative, especially the last verses " But that day
as she stood alone
wrapped
in a blanket of overwhelming numbness,
she wondered what was worse:

The shrieking noises
Or the deathly silence."

My favourite verses are "The voices in her head,
for the first time, were quiet;
the first time since the dark days
when they had screamed and laughed mirthlessly."

The verses kinda seem like a victory against an inner adversary, be it poisonous thoughts be it something else.

I don't know if numbness is better than pain but I do know that in most cases love triumphs at the end of the day. And hope dies last.

Hello, hello! I am here to review!

So, I'm guessing this is you describing either one of many of these things - depression, anxiety, or sensory overload. If so, I get it. There being so many people talking around you or at you, touching you when you don't want them to, so many noises and things going on around you that it makes you just... freeze. You stare into space and can't think. I get that!

This poem seems to also cover what its like either having your brain constantly going and going and going or not thinking of anything at all, just allowing you to exist and that in itself making you worry.

The grammar seems fine, just make sure you are using your colons correctly! I sometimes have trouble with those so be careful. Otherwise, I liked it. Keep up the work!

- Cow

Hey thegoldenbird! Let's dive straight into the review:

First things first, what I liked about this poem of yours is that it conveys a very raw and inner feeling that almost everyone goes through at least once in their lives. The title is apt as well. The narration is short and concise and never deviates from the core of the poem. I also liked the line "so strongly were her senses clouded-" signifying that there indeed is a problem with the protagonist and maybe once the sun shines again, she will be able to get back to her natural self.

One of the things that can be improved is to chop out the extra words. For example, the "The" in the first line and "But" from the third stanza can be dropped without affecting the meaning of the poem. Another thing that I noticed - and this might very well be my personal opinion - is that the poem, though beautiful, didn't look like a proper poem. I find it more like part of a beautiful prose - I'd appreciate it better as a comic strip rather than a poem. But again, feel free to disregard this if it does not resonate with you. However, if it does, I can suggest to restructure some of the lines to add some rhythm - if not a rhyme scheme to the poem.

Overall, I loved the piece. The topic of the poem really hit home with me and I'll remember this for a long time.

Cheers,
rohan

Hello thegoldenbird! I saw your poem in the green room and thought I'd stop by for a review!

You've got some really lovely imagery in this poem - I especially like the lines,

as she stood alone
wrapped
in a blanket of overwhelming numbness,

so strongly were her senses clouded-

she was alone in a sea of thousands.

the first time since the dark days

in a blanket of overwhelming numbness,

The shrieking noises
Or the deathly silence.