When the continuous motion of the train,
Reminded me of this concept we live in,
One that can never be caught,
One that can never be understood.
I looked out the window and saw a man wearing a dark suit,
His tie changed into a rope that he couldn’t get off,
His blazer melted into hands that suffocated his every breath,
His pants didn’t allow him to move another step.
I knew that with age, our movements become constricted,
Our minds become too aware.
Time controls everything that we do,
The way my eyes blink in a second,
The way the night falls in only a matter of minutes,
The way you sit at a hospital for hours,
The way I have to say goodbye for six months.
In this world, the framework of time measures everything we do.
I wondered if I could ever love time.
If I could forgive it when it makes a mistake.
Can I be able to hold it,
At the end of the day,
Despite all it’s done,
And love it unconditionally,
Thanking it for everything it has taught me.
We can’t ever go back to how things were,
Always going forwards, but never backwards.
I wondered when we go from point A to point B,
What about all the little stops in between?
But the train moves too fast,
The surrounding scenery turns into an endless grey.
I can’t ever get off,
And it scares me how I’ve gotten used to the sound of metal clunking,
I’ve never known any better,
I’ve never experienced the terrifying moment when the train stops,
And you catch up with time,
You scream joyfully, excited that you’ve finally achieved what you wanted,
Only to realise you’re alone.
I’ve never caught up with time,
I’m not sure if I want to.
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139,794 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
Keeping time, time, time, in a sort of Runic rhyme. (oops, it's The Bells of Edgar Allan Poe!)
True, time flies so fast. Silence, too. It's one of the poems that has a quiet beauty that can make readers think about the value of time, the consequences, the pain, the happiness, the sadness, and the feeling that can be imprisoned in time. Time is not a physical thing, just like memories, but reminiscing about this can deliver us in a world of feelings and silent regret that a person can experience in some point of his life. It's beautiful, so a big cheers to crwating this beauty! *winks*
Hello!
Stegosaurus here for a review!
This is a good poem that describes a timeless theme in poetry-- time. You seem to describe time as a train you never want to get off, and holds an important message for those who read it. I feel some could relate to this poem and understand the true meaning of it. In the beginning of this poem, you seem to make sense of different perspective of the time-- working, relationships, and loneliness. From what I am reading, time seems to be the puppet master of us, controlling our moves and placement.
Also in the beginning, the narrator sees a business man. I think the man is a person who survived the "train" and waiting to get on but was late.
Out of the whole poem, I liked this stanza. It holds the true meaning of time and what it does. From making clocks change to the changing of day and night. However, there one thing I suggest for this, instead of saying "1 second" try "second"-- they mean the same thing. It can be up to you, nonetheless, just a simple suggestion. Another thing, instead of "6 months" write the number. Even though in three lines before it you said 1 second, if you choose to change it to one, the balance of number names will be off.
All in all, it creates a pattern for the reader when they are enjoying the poem.
Throughout this poem, it holds a true meaning and message. I think anyone who reads this could relate. I simply loved this poem and you expanded more on a cliche thought of time.
If you like me to go over anything, let me know!
Steggy
Hey, Pancake and Waffle here to review your poetry!
This brings up a lot of questions in my mind. This is a very beautiful work that gets ya thinkin'. What is life? What is the point? It sounds emo I know, but it really does make you think.
Waffle had trouble following it, but Pancake believes it flows. (two buddies, one account. Bear with us)
It also makes you realize that you might not ever really be ready for the end of "when the train stops." it's like a smack of reality.
Over all it was a very refreshing piece (says Pancake). Thank you for taking your time to read this, and overall contributing to the writing society with your amazingness. (This is our first time reviewing together, sorry if it's a mess of wierdness)
Waffle and Pancake~