I’m travelling down a road.
I’m not sure where it leads, I’m not even sure if it leads anywhere.
It’s surrounded by
endless brown grass and an occasional car passes by.
The sight from the rear-view mirror haunts me with the continuous
feeling of self-doubt, and maybe it’ll never go away.
The rhythmic hum of the car lures me to a fleeting moment of happiness, content with the empty suitcases that sat on the back seat and my empty pockets.
I am going on a journey, an adventure, a trip.
I am excited and scared.
And that’s okay.
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Canary word: Present
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hassan here with a review.
I like the theme this poem has. Venturing into the unknown, and realising how vastly unprepared you are for what lies ahead. And being content with it. Content with the fact that you have no idea where you're going on, and what you're going to do.
I can perfectly relate to this. Being scared about the future, but accepting the fear and welcoming it.
Loved the poem.
I did have some problems with the flow. It's important to keep the syllable count, and the line length consistent in poems. The fourth and fifth lines maybe would have worked better if they were split up into separate one.
But apart from that this was a very good poem.
Nice work!
Rating: 8.5/10
Hassan
My first thoughts after I finished the first line were, "Okay, this feels like Robert Frost's poem 'The Road Not Taken.'" When I finished the poem, my thoughts were similar but with the added sentiments of, "Okay, so it's an updated version of that poem to appeal to today's audience." But that doesn't change the fact that both this and Frost's poem both have a very powerful message of not knowing what lies ahead and still going forward with life. I will say though that I would not mind teaching this poem to students in comparison with Frost's poem as part of the poetry curriculum.
Hi summer! Thewriter here to give a review ^^
So this is an interesting poem that holds a lot potential. I really like the topic you have here, and some of your word choices are excellent. But why don't we take it even further than that?
Let me explain to you what I mean:
In this first stanza, you have one short line, then one longer line, then one even longer line. I suggest keeping the line length closer to each other, but that's up to you.
Also, I always try to use one word only once in each stanza. Be careful with repetition, especially when they're so close together. Like "leads."
So maybe it could go something like this:
"I'm travelling down a road.
I'm not sure where it leads, or if its grey tongue goes anywhere."
It is surrounded by an endless ocean of brown grass the occasional car passerby."
Something along those lines. It's certainly up to you to do so.
Again with consistency, be careful. Since this is free verse, it's not super important to have the lines all the same length, but it can break the flow a bit, which is something you want to avoid unless it is intentional. One thing you could do is line breaks to not only add to the feeling of the poem but to keep the lines from being too long.
So here:
"The sight of the review mirror haunts me
with the continuous feeling of self doubt
and maybe it will never go away."
That's just one way to break it up.
Also be careful with tense changes. In the second part of this stanza, you have present tense and then all of sudden you change to past with "sat". I would change that to sit ^^
I also think the last few lines are okay, but are a little vague. "excited" and "scared" are just words. Make them more than words! Make us feel this excitement and fear using more figurative language and imagery.
For the most part, the idea is really cool. It's not been used that much, I don't think, but I do believe you should work on imagery and emotion.
Keep writing!
~Thewriter13
Hi summerlove, Amindor here.
I'm pretty new on here, so you probably haven't seen much of me anywhere on this site, but, of course, that's okay. Your poem is wonderful, full of meaning and describing a lot in my own soul. It's very beautiful.