I got one thing to say to ya'll. If you can't handle my faith, don't review. Cry about it somewhere else but not in my topic.
thanks&hugs.
-jade.
Fall away sweet child
Fall away from this world
With its hatred
With its violence
With its uncertain future
Fall away from the disasters
Fall away from the jealousy
Fall away from the greed and the spite and the horror
This imperfect world
You do not deserve
You deserve to float
In the clouds
And fall in the rain
You deserve to walk hand in hand
With Jesus
Fall away from your pain
Sweet child of God’s
This may seem like the end
But tomorrow you will live
With flying colors
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139,546 Literary Works • 672,605 Reviews
This is a really sad and beautiful poem. I enjoyed reading this. It really touched the heart. Just add some punctuation, that will help your poem flow better.
Overall, great work. Keep it up!
This poem was so sweet! It reflects how strong you are in your faith perfectly! I loved the part that goes:
You deserve to float
In the clouds
And fall in the rain
You deserve to walk hand in hand
With Jesus
Fall away from your pain
Sweet child of God’s
This may seem like the end
But tomorrow you will live
With flying colors
It is so meaningful and deep and I could imagine everything.
Wow, for so long I didn't see or hear anybody with such faith...
Liked it!
Aust.
I really enjoyed this poem. I also like how firm you are with your faith.
As Chirantha has already mentioned, I would cut out some of the "Fall Away"s. Maybe you could just say something like,
"With its uncertain future,
the disasters,
the jealousy
the greed, and the spite...." I don't know. I'm not very good at poetry.
I'm not sure I like the polysyndeton. It sort of sticks out. Although, it does emphasize that part so...
I'm not absolutely certain, but I think it should be "hand-in-hand"
Other than that, I didn't find any mistakes or anything, other than you didn't capitalize your name.
Great Poem!
-Sea-
I thought this poem was really meaningful and deep.
I think a bit of punctuation could add to it, though I am unable to say where, so maybe it wouldn't. hehe.
I know this is short, I just wasnted to let you know I really enjoyed reading it.
Good Luck!
Firstly, your repetition of 'Fall away' was a bit dry. It would be better to have 'Fall away' on the first two lines but after that cut the 'Fall away'
This could be broken from the poem and made as the second verse.
I don't see any mistakes, so it was good.
Good luck.
that was so beautiful, like a hym, i loved it. It was so sweet, i could imagen god taking the childs hand and they being together
that is great,dark and morbid perhaps but though provoking none the less, thanks
wow, this poem is really good. it's so sad, but at the same time it is so encouraging and hopefull my favorite part is the last four lines:
"Sweet child of God's
This may seem like the end
But tomorrow you will live
With flying colors"
That just sticks out to me, becuase it is such a blessed truth, and it's a statement that's simply bursting with hope, which is perfect after a poem full of the awful things we'll leave behind.
I hope you meant everything the way I'm getting it, otherwise this post won't make much sense. But thanks for this poem, it was really encouraging to read. Good work.