home is where the heart is

Gadi. wrote:I think this is a good first poem. My first poem was horrible. But I'm here to help you fix yours!

The actual title "Home is where the heart is" is very cliche. We don't like cliches. Cliches are grosssss. No one likes reading them. They're the main cause of society's problems. I think that you should overhaul the title and first line.

The fourth line, "Wrapped around you"... I didn't like it. I felt like it was forced, just for the rhyme. Why is "home" like a "warm blanket/wrapped around you"? Good poems have explanations for what they say. They make sense.

"Memories spun into the thread" is really cliche. Remove it, so.

I think that a lot of naive, inexperienced poets just say things in their poems, just like items that they feel have an emotive power, even though they don't really tie in these items into the rest of their poem. For example: "Hold you tight", "Broken seams". I've heard these phrases before--what do they add to this poem? If you just include them in the middle like that, they don't mean anything.

Anyway, I hope I helped you. Welcome to YWS!

I think this is a good first poem. My first poem was horrible. But I'm here to help you fix yours!

The actual title "Home is where the heart is" is very cliche. We don't like cliches. Cliches are grosssss. No one likes reading them. They're the main cause of society's problems. I think that you should overhaul the title and first line.

The fourth line, "Wrapped around you"... I didn't like it. I felt like it was forced, just for the rhyme. Why is "home" like a "warm blanket/wrapped around you"? Good poems have explanations for what they say. They make sense.

"Memories spun into the thread" is really cliche. Remove it, so.

I think that a lot of naive, inexperienced poets just say things in their poems, just like items that they feel have an emotive power, even though they don't really tie in these items into the rest of their poem. For example: "Hold you tight", "Broken seams". I've heard these phrases before--what do they add to this poem? If you just include them in the middle like that, they don't mean anything.

Anyway, I hope I helped you. Welcome to YWS!

That`s a wonderful poem It has such a good meaning I know I should be critical too but I`m not very good at it

Home is where the heart is

I swear it’s true

Mine is like a warm blanket

Wrapped around you

It keeps you warm and safe

Day or night