Lithe form
And wispy auburn tresses
In loose curls.
Her beauty
Is the only thing
That hadn’t been
Taken from her.
Two years back
Everyone knew her.
The outstanding social life,
The relentless
String of boyfriends,
The “No worries”
“Live it up” attitude.
Everyone knew her.
Now, no one does.
Late May.
A day the world
Sobbed,
Searched,
Panicked.
Her life became
Translucent.
One year,
Three hundred and some
Days.
She was lying
In a basement
With a beating heart
And working lungs.
Yet, she was no longer
Human.
He stole that,
Reached into her soul
Yanked it out,
Stuffed it into his pocket.
Now she can stand again.
Now she can walk again.
An alien among humans.
She can’t go back.
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139,558 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
very good. i especially like how you have described the girl, and well... pretty much everything o.O it is specific enough that i can visualize it in my head, yet vague enough that i can add my own thought... like picture someone i know into it. always a nice touch.
but like everything there is work to be done! my OCD is working up for i see a 7-9-7-9-4-4 pattern in the stanzas. there really is none. killing me here :p. and u say that no one knows her anymore. but you also said there was a day the world panicked and so forth. so wouldn't the world know her? later? OCD again, from the single word lines amid all the multiple :\. overall good, but i would add a little more detail. may be to how she looks? and age wise? and the day she was abducted?
No plagiarizing. - Snoink
This is beautiful. I loved it. I love everything about this. Awesome poem.
Powerful poem. Powerful words. I like how you used words to convey such powerful emotions across. Your very talented. I like your last line as well as your first. However every poem has room for improvement, I would suggest a more organized form. Your first four stanzas are long and then your last two are shorter. I don't know, it bothers me, but that just may be me. You could keep it the way it is and it would be just fine. The last stanza just breaks to me, and I would suggest something different, but then again, it wouldn't hurt for it to stay the same. It really made me interesting and filled me with emotion. Outstanding job on this poem. Gold star. Keep it up.
~Kaylyn
Wow, that was really impressive. It drew me right in and made me feel as if I was right there in the middle of it all. That last line "She can't go back" was really powerful and hit right home.
Well done, that was brilliant.
Hello, silver ^^
I really liked this poem, especially how it started out with "Lithe form." Maybe it's because I've always liked the word lithe for some reason. There was beautiful metaphors:
This is my favorite part out of all it. It gave me the image of a guy in a black-n-white stripped shirt with a ski mask jumping out of an alley and stealing someone's soul, then running off.
The only thing that sort of bothered me---and maybe it's just me---is that I didn't like the ending. I thought that the last line was... I don't know, but I didn't really like it ending that way. I thought that it could've ended with, "An alien among humans" ?
But then again, that's just my two cents.
- kittykat
I must agree this is one amazing piece. It leaves me wondering how she was found, and who was the jerk who stole her childhood. (i know she was older than a child maybe a teenager but still that a part of growing up she cant get back) Maybe give more description to the abductor. how ugly mean, scary. he was. or his personality. How was she abducted, in the middle of the night? In broad daylight?
This was amazing and you have some talent taking emotion like that and shooving it in the readers face. I loved it!
Awesp,e job
-tiffany
I've never actually been abducted, but the mood and seriousness of that poem made me feel as if I had. You pulled me into the poem, the forgotten girl, the jerk who abducted her. It made me wonder how she was found, why, who led them to her. The power of that last line, "She can't go back." hit me like the period at the end of a sentence (sorry about the punctation analogy). It was a powerful end to a powerful piece. I can't really find any of those nit-picky things, but I will say that I would have added a line or two about the abducter. He is a key element in the story, and you can't just forget about him. Other than that, it was very visual, descriptive, and all in all, I'd say it's a powerful (sorry, couldn't think of a better word), powerful, piece. Wow.