So I know this is a long time after you posted this, but hopefully you can use a few more suggestions on the poem. I'd meant to critique this not long after it was put up, but was delayed until now. Anyways, on to the review. ^_^
First of all, I'd recommend not capitalizing the first letter of every line. You don't have to and because the lines are so short in this poem, it actually makes everything look really weird. Keep the capitalization and punctuation basically the same as you would if your poem were written in prose form. ^_^
That raises a question, though, about why you've kept your lines so short? I can't really see a reason as to why you'd put 'welcome' on its own line, or really why you make any of those line breaks at all. It seems like the poem would be more natural if you wrote:
"Coming home from a business trip in Saint Louis,
the airport terminals offer a gray and listless welcome."
Because it's okay to have longer lines! ^_^
Grey, January clouds
This is the second time that you bring up the color 'grey', and I think that you're trying to portray the mood that goes with that color, but relying only on that word to do it. What else can you think of that would evoke that correct mood? Try to avoid using that word again, and remove it here. 'January clouds' gets the image across beautifully on its own.
Fill the sky
Without break.
If they fill it, then yeah, there wouldn't be a break. You don't need to repeat the same image. Take out one line or the other. ^_^
Out past the
Lumbering runways
It still stands today.
Well, first of all, how are the runways lumbering? What do you mean by using that word as an adjective? Is it simply trying to find a unique combination of words that hasn't been used before, and sticking it in without purpose, or are you trying to say something? Think about it. Also, /what/ stands today? You never quite get to revealing the object. Or else I missed something. xD
Never relieving
The phrasing here is awkward. The eleven years are never relieving? Maybe say they never relieve. Or something more active like that. I dunno.
Of the fragile life
That had been lost.
So many years ago,
This seems over-dramatic and kind of leaves a bitter taste in my mouth after reading it. The poem was pretty nice and simple up to this point, but now it seems like you're shoving pathos into every crevice.
I’m sorry ,
He says.
You deserved a life,
And I’m sorry.
I love you dear daughter.
I love you,
Bethany Hope.
Especially with this ending. I personally think you could end the poem at 'heavier and heavier/ still' and it would be nice there. It's just, I don't know the background behind this poem, but it seems to deal with loss, and so many poems about loss have the same sort of pathetic {in the pathos sense of the word, I guess}, begging, regretful tone. Sure, that accompanies loss, but why not explore a different facet of the feeling?
I felt like you had something going with the dismal airport. It's understated and doesn't scream 'omg mistake, loss, death, sadness'. Try working with that to rework this poem into something original and lovely. Don't feel afraid to take out the specifics of the situations, either, because you'll only end up trying to force yourself into a mold.
PM me if you have any questions!
-Hannah-
Your subject matter is original and you tried to do it in a real original way. I love how blasé the actual situation is (leaving an airport) in compared to the way the father sees everything (the death(?) of his child). All it takes is a rewrite or two and you've got a splendid poem on your hands! Good luck.
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