This is for the contest: "A word is stronger than a thousand pictures" but reviews are still welcome. My word was "Microwave" and I couldn't think of a story premise, so I decided on a collection of senryus (thanks for the tip, Karzkin.) These are not meant to form one longer poem but to be taken individually as part of a collection.
My big brother said:
“Put your hamster in the ’wave”
My hamster went pop.
Why can’t metal go
In the microwave? If it
Did it might go bang.
The microwave says:
“Open door, pull apart food
Close door and press ‘start.’”
Set the microwave
To power level thirty
Or potatoes blow.
Big white microwave
Above the electric stove
Where old folks bake cakes.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hahaha this is great. The first one nearly killed me, I was laughing so hard.
), so snaps for you.
A few notes on form, however: there are 3 things a haiku must have to be a haiku. First, it must have 17 on, or language units (on is often incorrectly translated to syllables, but 17 syllables is an acceptable form of English haikus).
Second, a haiku must written as two juxtaposing ideas. The two ideas are separated by a keriji, also known as a 'cutting word' or 'turning point'. The keriji always comes at the end of either the first line or the second line, finishes the first idea, and sets up the second idea. It's a little bit hard to explain, but if you can read some Japanese haikus (or English translations of Japanese haikus if you cannot read Japanese) you can see it very clearly.
Third, a haiku must include a kigo, known in English as a 'seasonal word'. Most kigo are drawn from nature (but not all are). This gives the (sometimes inaccurate) impression that haikus are to do with nature.
Your haikus all contain the first element (in English, but we'll let it slide
The second and third elements, however, are a bit lacking in some of your pieces. Only the first, possibly the third, and arguably the last, contain a keriji.
This one has two ideas, but the second idea is spliced over two lines. This is a bit of a no no.
Finally, none of your haikus contain kigo. All your pieces appear to be senryu, not haikus. Senryu usually deal with human nature and vices, and are often cynical or contain elements of dark humour. So perhaps you should change the topic to 'A collection of Senryu'.
All in all, your ideas are very good. As haikus (and senryu) are often written about mundane subjects or topics pertaining to every day life, you've nailed it. All you need to do is research the technicalities of haikus, and you're well on your way
On a side (but related) note, the senryu in your sig is interesting. However, it appears to be 3 ideas, rather than two. How about
"I live in a pool
With my uncle, the red fish.
We snack on wet leaves."
Haha, it was great. Not at all serious, an extremely fun read, it had no purpose or meaning, other than to exist, perfect job on those haikus, I couldn't write one if I tried, and the fact that you did makes me love it even more.