My brain is running like a sugar high
times ten plus an espresso,
the seatbelt too tight
around my hamburger-and-fries-stretch stomach.
My hyperactive consciousness
ricochets off the
soft cranial folds of my mind
like five year old boys
on a moon bounce at the fair.
My eyes are half-dollars
(the silver kind),
my lips pressed together,
to dam the waterfall of anxious chatter
threatening to burst out.
Seconds take minutes,
minutes take hours,
this hour is at least a day long
(I would know, I’m counting).
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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138,562 Literary Works • 672,163 Reviews
Hey, sarebear!
This was really fun to read and the descriptions of anticipation just leaped from my computer screen.
Great work and keep those creative juices flowing!
Murtuza
I love the ending!
cute!
'I would know, I'm counting'
Heyy. So I wanted to do a little spying on you to see your poetry and stuff, I couldn't resist. So it happens I really enjoyed it, and I'm going to snoop some more here in a minute. But here is my review:
I just think this would fit better with the flow of things.. Thats how I read it in my head.
My personal favorite stanza. I know I'm exactly like this when I'm waiting for something. I just can't stop talking! Plus my moms always telling me how my eyes are always dilated so I liked this.
The flows a little choppy, BUT if we really want to analyze this deeply; when you're anxious or nervous doesn't what you say tend to be choppy and not graceful and flowy. So for this poem I think the flow works.
I'm re-reading the ending and I feel a little let down I fill like one more stanza would have really completed it. But perhaps you meant it to be open-ended, but I want to know what you're waiting for!
Alas overall it is an enjoyable poem and it made me want to review it so, job well done.
-Bryn
Hey, shiney1 here
I absolutely love the imagery here! Good use of similes as well.
Although, I feel that this poem lacks a great amount of flow, so it kind of ruins it. There were places that were choppy and disruptive, if you understand what I mean. In the end, I was not satisfied at all for some reason. I think you are missing something, but I am not sure what. I just feel it is kind of empty...Don't worry about it, for I don't know exactly what it is either yet XD
That is all form me!
hi! I'm here to review
Hope you like. 
switch the comma around and add a period.
Not really the best word here...
I love this part.
Hope I helped!
~Drama
Good use of words in my opinion..although i didn't really get the feeling of anticipation from reading this poem, but I'm not a poetry expert so don't take that to heart..good work
and nice signature by the way lol :]