Have you ever sat down and just
listened to the silence?
I didn’t mean to,
but it’s after 1 AM and
I had a revelation at just how
Quiet
All you can hear is
a tiny little buzz in your
head.
The silence is slightly eerie and
makes you shiver and
cold,
Even if the room you are in
is hot.
I sat for 20 minutes
just listening to the silence,
getting myself trapped
in my own
Thoughts.
It wasn’t until I heard
Distant footsteps,
from one of my family members,
that I was so suddenly
Jerked
from my stupor
that I realized all of this.
As I write I keep attempting
to return to that Quiet
Little
Haven
now that the footsteps have
ceased.
It’s not working too well.
But then I wonder:
Do I really want to return
to that
Spine-chilling,
Goosebump tingling silence?
Left to be enveloped
into the depths of my mind…
A little delving
never did get in harm's way,
but the brain is a scary place
to go spelunking.
I think I’ll be okay
listening to the shower
Running in my sister’s bathroom
a little longer.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,237 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
Oh, hello, again! Gummy's the name, and I'm here for (yet) another review!
I really like how the grammar is pristine and the form doesn't look all over the place. Props to you for this! The thing I most liked about this piece was how you made so much out of the absence of something. In this case, you made so much out of the absence of sound! I feel the same way when locked in silence for so long... It's crazy what can happen when you're left alone with your thoughts.
I don't have much else to say regarding what could change, since I usually nitpick at the aesthetics of a piece and leave the semantics to the writer. So, yeah, as always, take care and keep on writing! Remember that practice is key!
Hi again Gummy
Thank you! I'm glad you liked the piece and that you didn't find any faults with grammar (I go over my pieces with a fine-toothed comb before posting them to make sure there are minimal mistakes 
) Thanks again!
Hi there,
Free verse almost always gets me, especially when it takes the time to describe scenes/emotions/places in detail. I mean wow, I like the writing style here. you've frozen that 1 AM moment for us to see it through your eyes (all insomniacs will relate to this).
You can however make free verse more intense by the right choice of line breaks, for instance
could be
It's not a big deal but don't you think the second one sounds better? It's small things like these that eventually decide how the poem flows when it is read and how the reader's train of thought of accompanies it.
Also, I see you've capitalized the first letter of every line regardless of whether it is a continuation of the previous line. That doesn't do the poem well.
No capitalization is okay and a personal choice of the poet, but dO yOu rEaLLy wAnT tO wRite a pOeM lIKe tHis?
My favorite lines were :
That's it, that was my review. Just keep writing, okay..
Thanks so much! I changed the bathroom line, like you suggested - you're right, it does flow much better in the newer way now, thanks for pointing that out! I'm glad you liked the piece!
I usually don't get poetry, it's always been a really elusive writing style to me and I never understand it too well but I could definitely empathize with this one. I hate it when I'm writing or reading, for that matter, and I get interrupted. There's that awful break between what's going on in your head and what's real and it can be hard to come back from that sometimes and we don't always want to. The only problem I have with this piece are the lines:
"A little delving
Never did get in harms way,
But the brain is a scary place
To go spelunking."
'harms' should be 'harm's'. Other than that this was a really good piece that was really relatable. Great job!
Thanks for pointing out my mistake on "harm's"! It's been fixed now
I'm really glad that you understood the poem and you were able to connect with the piece - I find that's one of the greatest things about writing, seeing how others can relate! Thanks again!