Of course.
But I want it to happen
again and again.
Is my mind so fearful of society
that I will avoid life's pleasures
at all costs?
Being scared of others
doesn’t seem very…
Practical
does it?
My body has become worn;
shifting through the days.
Never settling.
Never resting.
Never returning to a clean slate.
My body is corrupted,
used and touched by so many.
In the shower
the water runs over me.
Slick and repellent it glides
off my skin and down the drain,
carrying my dirt.
Washing it away.
But I like it.
I like being used.
Or as we call it,
“being loved.”
This feeling is seeping into my mind,
and lapping at the edges of my soul.
Tasting, eating, sucking so deeply.
It’s...nice.
And I feel so dirty for it.
The joint is passed,
the shots are gone,
and my mind fades into oblivion.
The smoke burns my lungs
with the fiery passion
of being filled so completely.
Why do the wrong things in life
Feel so right?
I want. I crave. I need.
But I can’t always have
and that is difficult, too.
It is hard to sit and wait,
Patiently,
pretending to be another
and never allowing myself
to glare through.
I am okay keeping to myself
And letting the dirt
Grind its way
Through my body.
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140,236 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
Hello there, Rothwise!
You reviewed some of my work, so I wanted to return the favor.
I wasn't sure what to expect when I clicked on this, but I'm glad I did!
Wow. This is remarkable. You've managed to talk about a very gruesome, crude subject, yet with elegance. You were able to portray every dark and dirty aspect of this woman's life, without coming out and explicitly saying "this woman has sex, and has problems with substance abuse."
The only problem I noticed was this:
I feel like 'dirty' isn't strong enough of a word. 'Dirty' is a word used when grandparents and children want to describe something inappropriate. It goes hand-in-hand with 'naughty,' in my opinion. A more formal/sophisticated word would probably suit better here. That's just my opinion on it, though! ^_^
Otherwise, you've created a perfect piece. There is nothing to correct. Awesome job!
Thank you so much. This piece is incredibly emotional for me, and I'm so glad that you enjoyed reading it. I totally get what you mean by saying that "dirty" just isn't strong enough. What do you think if I changed it to:
"This feeling is seeping into my mind,
and lapping at the edges of my soul.
Tasting, eating, sucking so deeply.
It's...nice.
And I feel contaminated." ?
Let me know if you have any suggestions!
That may be able to work! Even a small word like "filthy," I feel would maybe work. Or disgusting?
Uhm, so, wow? Like, properly wow? I wasn't sure what I was going to read, when I clicked on this, but I didn't honk it would be nearly as good as this was.
I was expecting graphic stanzas of actions and things I still consider myself too innocent to be thinking about, but what you wrote was something entirely different. You managed to say everything about the life that this person lives, managing to make the reader feel and know this, without actually saying the words of 'this person has sex'. I really love that.
I'm also impressed with the way you've written it, thought-wise. How this person's thoughts are moving from 'why is this so bad' to 'I need this'. How I never see a moment of doubt in this persons life, and how it's obvious that they have made peace with the way they live, and even if there was an inkling of self hatred in this persons life, they cover it well. I really think you managed to show a lot about this character in the amount you have written, and I'd be damn proud of that.
This review means so much to me, thank you for saying all this. I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this and that you understood the flow of the poem and the movement of thoughts throughout - you're incredibly intuitive! Thanks again, you're so kind to say all this.
awesome work! i like how it all just flows together.
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!