Please, critique the poem to your hearts desire!
It started with a simple touch of hands,
Perhaps a twitch of a nose, not even.
Beat of a heart rushes; knees do weaken.
Whisper of a breath does meet the demands
Felt this way counted on a sole left hand,
Let this be the last time, never again
Shall myself suffer through this lonely den.
Fingers glued and should they never disband
Excitement of love whispers through the air,
Emotions mix and create a purpose,
World of people, two do simply last
Both smile with raw feelings that are rare,
Time did stop and all hath begun to froze,
In this position the two will outlast
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140,237 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
Hey rothwise! I know this is an old poem, but I just started reading your poetry and I just wanted to let you know that you're really good! I write poetry too, so I know that if you're anywhere near as judgmental of your writing as I am of mine, it's really tough to be confident in your talents. I just know I love hearing when people think I'm talented, so I just wanted you to know that I think you're a really talented poet, and I hope to read more of your writing soon!
Oh my gosh, thank you so much! I'm so happy you like my poetry...and yeah I can definitely be incredibly harsh on myself sometimes about my writing - I know exactly what you mean - so this means so much to me that you enjoy reading my writing! Thank you!
Aw thanks Snickers! I'm really glad you liked it so much!!
You're work gave me warm fuzzy's!
Thank you Kafka! When I wrote this, I knew it needed to be "I", but the only problem is that throughout the poem it's written with ten syllables on every line, and even though it works still with the "I", I feel like I can't change it because it would mess up the syllables. Unless you think it really really needs to be changed, in which case I will change it?
Take a look at my other poetry I have posted if you want to.
I'm glad you really like this
Wow! You really do bring a new meaning to poetry. This is amazing: very atmospheric, very emotional.
One critique I have is that it really just runs on and on, like one continuous thought. For this reason it is somewhat difficult to follow. I would suggest inserting a period here and there, or at least some signal to the reader that you are finished with the current thought. You really are a master of putting your feelings down onto paper, but I would suggest simply going through it and organizing a little more. Here is another small quibble of mine:
"Myself" should be "I."
Well, very nice job. I look forward to reading more from you!
-Kafka