The Legions of Paper Dolls

Hello! I found this poem to be very thought-provoking. The ideas in it are very interesting, and the metaphor you use to explore them is quite powerful. The idea of society making people fake reminds me of some of the themes in books like "Paper Towns" and "The Catcher in the Rye."

Awarding her a paper crown
that weighs down her empty head,
Seating her on a paper throne

Hi there,

So I read it through twice and I really enjoyed the idea of it. I love the way you took a metaphor and extended in such a consistent manner. You kept with the theme right until the end.

One of the teeny nitpicks I had was this line:

'Our society is far from the real world.'

I felt it sorted interrupted the flow BUT in a way, it does work. You're changing the tone and making a turning point, so naturally the line needs to stand out, I get that. It all depends on what kind of idea you're going for.

I loved this here:

'Awarding her a paper crown

that weighs down her empty head'

It gives me this idea that people are so 'air-headed' and will just accept gratitude/reward without really knowing what it means. And in this case a 'paper crown' doesn't really mean anything.

The fact you've used the 'paper' metaphor means a lot. It's a fantastic metaphor because everyone uses paper and they throw it away. It's just a blank canvas to scribble a phone number or an essay on. In real life, we do that to. We use people and throw them away, like they are nothing.

It has some amazing potential, just read it out loud to see how it flows again.

Keep writing, and I'll keep reading.

H.L.P

So, the line "Scars upon my conscience, though they try", struck me as not fitting the flow of the poem and causing it to stutter a bit. The rest went pretty smoothly. This was a very interesting poem, but I must say, I don't like the approach you took to describing other people's lives as "meaningless". I understand what you mean, ordinary people blend in and are eventually forgotten, but every life has a meaning. I just feel like it came off as a little harsh and careless. Nonetheless, I liked this poem a lot.

Hey! XD

First off, cool title.

Now for the review....

'In the real world...a paper doll has no way to survive.' I have joined these two lines together because I think they are crucial to understanding the message of this piece. Personally, I take the message to mean that *we* are the paper dolls and obviously, the real world is at it is. Harsh. XD
That's what makes this work really clever and also very gooood.

'for being just. Like. The rest.' I am not entirely sure about the punctuation in this line because it makes for very disjointed reading and disrupts the flow. I would remove the full stops and have it is as one constant sentence.
'Nothing but a toy until,

wrinkled, crumpled, you are

forgotten.'
Ok, I have changed my original interpretation, this sounds more like Toy Story now. XD But through reading, you have my perception shift and filled my head with different ideas, which can be a difficult thing for a writer to achieve.

I really like this work, I think it is very clever.
Kudos.

Keep writing. XD

~BSF

I give you a standing ovation for this poem. Everywhere you go, people are always comparing life to this and that using pointless metaphors to help imprint their ideas on you. Never before have I thought about life from the perspective of a paper doll analogy. As a grammar nazi (and sometimes overly critical people say) I can almost always find at least one correction. Here, however, I cannot think of a single change. You seem to have a real understanding of metaphors. Keep up the good work!

~Redrum

Wow. I was absolutely stunned by this! What a stellar piece of writing, honestly! I especially enjoyed

"Their paper cuts sting but leave no

scars upon my conscience, though they try."

That quote really speaks to me. I look forward to reading more of your work! Keep it up