Something like this dark and needy noise
continues to thunder even after
it is gone.
The rain persists even when it is gone, too.
You feel it, in the shifting of the trees and
ground, such subtleness
that newness, as something stirs above.
It is there and gone, yet still you recall
the sudden change of heart
which changed your mind as you wondered after, how
something so deafening fell to such a whisper,
you couldn't know.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hey there! Purple here to give you a review! HAPPY REVIEW DAY!!! Let's get started.
Let me just say this is beautiful. Reading your poetry is always nice on any day because you use such intricate nature metaphors in relation to emotions and it just makes me feel magical. Sorry if I sound like a retired old man who appreciates nature too much
This is also very relevant to me right now and a relatable topic that was not made cliched and I was not disappointed. I understood this storm like the emotions thereafter a horrible heartbreak, and how the feeling still lingers and hurts sometimes. I just love this because some people might take this as rain = tears and thunder = pain but it could be interpreted even further depending on how you intended it. Lovely work once again!
Have a nice day!
~Purple
Thanks as always! Never would I think of you as some old man for that, I'm glad someone else appreciates it. Sometimes I feel like people are over the nature-y stuff and don't enjoy it. I'm really glad to write something relatable, too.
Hi, Tulip here to give you a review on this poem.
I liked the images that this poem invoked in my mind...but I have some stuff to say about this poem so I will come back to this thought.
One thing that I have seen is the fact that the stanza's flows aren't very solid. I mean it could just be how you format things, but to me, it makes me feel like you just randomly broke it into stanzas without thought of how they flowed.
Another thing that I saw was the lack of ending punctuation. Again, maybe something you do in regards of formatting, but to me it is hard. I can't read something and know exactly where ideas end easily, so I like punctuation. If it were a day in which I felt like giving you examples of how I would punctuate something, I would but I'm sick and not in the mood too.
I liked the poem, but if you were to change a few things in the poem I am sure it will be better. Just remember, no one's first draft was perfect, and it takes a lot of editing to get it to the point you want it to be at.
Hey there!!! Cricket here to review another awesome poem of yours!!! lol
OK, so once again you have done it. I think you are using the weather as a metaphor, for what is happening inside someone's heart. I'm not entirely sure though.... so I think that could be made a little more clear to us. The style of course was absolutely beautiful; there is noooo denying that. LOL, so awesome job with style!!!!
ON TO THE NITPICKING!!!
p.s. there aren't that many. sooo don't worry. LOL
This line didn't seem to flow right. I would reword it a little.
I felt that the "too" was unnecessary and it didn't really flow with the piece.
OK, one other thing that I am wondering though. Why are there hardly any periods and commas?
Like this one. Its the beginning of a new paragraph and its not caps. I'm wondering if its on purpose, or something? Just thought I'd bring it up.
And at the end some paragraphs there aren't any periods. Just thought I would mention that too.
OK, so that's it!!! I'm not sure if the commas and all that was intentional.... so I really hope I helped you. This is truly amazing!!!
sorry, if I messed up on some of the formatting.I didn't reread it until I submitted it and it won't let me edit. LOL Hope I helped!!