Look up to see the broken sky
stitched up, back to one piece,
with threads of wispy clouds.
Sunlight shatters across it,
splinters like a bone broken beyond repair.
All of it held aloft by the trees
with branches stretched up tall
to be sure they reach it, grab
hold, hold tight, maybe.
Makes me glad to be here
safe, on the ground.
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140,533 Literary Works • 673,403 Reviews
Hi there
The imagery in this poem is great. The idea of clouds being stitches is amazing. I never would have thought of that!
Your metaphors are wonderful. I have no critiques on the wording of this poem.
The one critique that I did have:
The "grab" would fit better in the next line.
Great job over all! In fact, I think I will give you a Like
*likes*
Keep writing!
~WallFlower
Hey there friend! Purple here to give you a review! Let's get started.
Wow this has a whole lot of elegant imagery that has an almost calming effect. I just have a few questions and comments. When you start off saying "Look up to see the broken sky" it doesn't give us a different perspective (like the author's) to imagine from and it's an imperative statement now telling the reader to do as the line says. But I would assume this is in your point of view since the last two lines clarify that is it in first person. Also, in the fourth and fifth lines "Sunlight shatters across it, shatters like a bone broken beyond repair." To add a more poetic feel to this statement, you could use a different word. Since you've already used 'shatters' once, to make this next line more powerful and less explanatory sounding, you could say something like damaged, impaired, separated, or weakened. Have a good rest of the day!
~Purple