Mjhse baḍa ek paap hua jo paida hui main laḍki
Kismat meri bandh gyi mere Ghar ki hee Zanjeer se
Udne ki khwaahish thi meri dekhe kayi maine sapne
Bhool gyi thi laḍki hokar nai boonte kabhi koi khwaab naye
Bachpan meiṅ pariyon ki kahani lagati thi jo sachchi
Bade hokar jaan liya woh thi sab jhooti aur nakali
Maa baap ka pyar batta aur paison mein gyi main toli
Na bacha sake uss toofan se mujhe jisne bhari dukh se meri jholi
Pta chala toh le gye mjhe sab logon se door
Kaid kiya ek mehel mein mjhe jahan mila na koi sukoon
Kya karti main Bol na payi bebas hui aur majboor
Toot na payi bediyan meri saare sapne hue chakhna-choor
Fir aaya ek sundar raja lekr ek kulhaadhi
Wada kiya ki le jaayega aur banayega apni rani
Pehli bar ehsaas hua meri kadar h kisine jaani
Ab jaakr ek aas mili ki barsaungi ab pyar mera banke uspar pani
Udha lejayega bediyan todhkr mujhe yahaṅ se door
Bana lega woh mujhe apni gehri aankhon ka noor
Maa baap se nai milungi kyunki samjha mujhe tha bhool
Basaakar ek nayi zindagi raja ke sath karungi main shuru
Banegi ek misaal pyar ki Humari kahani jaroor
Sabmein baatungi main khushiyan Bohot saari aur khoob
Unki maa ki ek chavvi dekhi aur lagi woh mujhe pukarne
Bulaya mujhko beṭi kehkr aur main lagi unhe nihaarne
Hanskar pocchi maa chahiye aur kholi apni baahein
Uss din ehssas hua ki khadi h maa mere saamne
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,795 Reviews
Hey sweta here, with my opinion....
I liked your poem but it is really disappointing for me,at least. I really hate when a girl thinks so. There are things which happen to us but I think we should grow stronger from them.. Being a girl child is not a crime. So be positive and don't think like that.
The poem is good and i like it. Keep up writing and all the best to you
Hi Shikora here with a review.
This is a really good poem you here here. I like everything about it. I tried to right a review in Hindi, but I'm not sure is it worked. So here is another one for you.
I see that you don't have any punctuation in your poem, so maybe you should read through your poem and see were is the pest places to stop. But I would recommend putting some fall stops or commas at the end of some of your sentences.
So that's it.
I'm sorry if the review i did before didn't come out right. I really liked reading this poem of yours. And I hope to see more from you soon.
haay, is pyaare din par, aapake lie ek sameeksha ke saath shikora.
chalo theek hai, ham ise praapt karenge
ab mujhe vaastav mein pasand hai ki aapake paas yahaan kya hai, yahaan tak ki mujhe isaka anuvaad karana hoga. isalie main aapake lie ise hindee mein likhane kee pooree koshish karane ja raha hoon.
is kavita ka naam vaastav mein achchha tha, aur isane turant mera dhyaan aakarshit kiya. aur mujhe vaastav mein aapake kaam mein lagaee gaee bhaavana aur bhaavana pasand aaee.
aapakee kavita ke saath sab kuchh vaastav mein achchha hai, sivaay isake ki aapake paas viraam chihn nahin hai.
jaise yahaan kuchh viraam chihn hona chaahie. ho sakata hai ki bold ke ant mein kuchh alpaviraam ya poorn viraam.
lekin phir un chhotee-chhotee baaton ke alaava, mujhe aapakee kavita padhana bahut pasand hai. yah bahut hee rochak tha.
ab main vahaan rukane ja raha hoon kyonki mujhe yakeen nahin hai ki agar mainne yah adhikaar kiya. aapake kaam ko padhane aur sameeksha karane ke lie yah abhee bhee majedaar tha, aur mujhe ummeed hai ki jald hee yws par aapake aur adhik kaary dekhane ko milenge. kabhee bhee likhana band na karen aur din / raat shaanadaar rahe.
tumhaara mitr
shikor।
Happy review day.
I'm not sure if I did this right.
Hey, Nishtha!!
This is Eros here with a review for you...!!
So this is written in Hindi and I am kinda confused if I should write the review in Hindi or in English... But ek baar try Kar k dekhti hu
Toh ye ek ati-sundar kawita hai jismai ek ladki apni jeewan gaatha Bata rahi hai, kis prakar wo ek ladki hone ke wajah se khul ke jee nhi sak rahi thi. Boht hi sahii kawita hai aur kaafi saalo baad Hindi kawita padhne ko mili... Hindi was my favourite subject in school and I used to score the highest in it
I'm not trying to brag lolPanktiya kaafi acche see banayi gayi hai...
Shabd rachana bhi masst this ekdam, tum likhte raho hum padhte rahenge...
Aapka din mangalmay ho!
~Eros.
thank you eros for such lovely review
it is is the first time on this portal that someone has written a review in hindi. 
thanks once again
Hieidhrngk, vsidyyejngeibn. Rhgesghhvdbuan focybekchhwkbvxuhd jsydnvcd xisggsenjex. Vdgeudbdbj!!! Hdhuhevvdkjdube. UwU 👍
This is very interesting!