(Calm)
As the bullets are fired over your head
(You won’t run you will fight instead)
No matter what stands in your way you will stand tall
(But without my brothers I would have fall)
Watching over each other’s backs is what we do
(No matter what will happen to you)
Must fight through the blood and gore
(We must fight set of the mother lands floor)(Stretched)
(Rough)
I will stand in front of you
Chest to the gun
Being in the middle of a war between hells is not fun
I will stand in front of you eye to eye
Knowing I will die
The bullets feel like a blade!
My death is made!
(Calm)
My reaction of your movements work instantly
(My men will take you down effectively)
No matter if a demon or beast stays in my way
(I will stand my ground fight and stay)
I got shot but I will still fight
(We must show to our enemy our might)
When I will die I will still stand tall
(But when you will get shot you will cry and crawl) (Stretched)
(Rough)
I will squeeze the finger
Then let go of the trigger
Your death is made!
You’re getting laid!
Must stay away from the light
Knowing that our death is made!
We are getting paid!
I feel something pushing through my skin
My brothers pull me up
Knowing that in couple of minutes my heart beat will stop
Must finish the fight
Until then I must stay away from the light
Knowing that our death is made!
We are getting paid!
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Actually I have a melody for this song. If you would hear this under my melody the rhyming would be fine. But I understand what you meen.
These two sentences sound off, try and re-work them.
comma after ground
this doesn't flow very well.
whats that got to go with dying?
this doesn't work at all, there isn't any tune to it that i can see, and none of it rhymes.
sorry, i know that songs are hard to write, and I might seem harsh here, but you nered to work on the rhyming, and get the tune consistent. overall, it was a good idea, and you did most of it well, but there are some bits thst you need to work hard on to re-work it, and then It'll be a great sond
Great poem, I love the ending
.
I think that you should change it to "Without my brothers i would soon fall" Rather than "have fall", as it should be "would have fallen".
Anyhow, I really liked it