z

Young Writers Society



For you I will bleed (Death Metal)

by lordgluzman


For you I will bleed (Death Metal)

(Calm)
I am the cleaning of your sins
I am the right and wrong
I am the spirit of your minded song
Every night for you I will bleed

(Rough)
I am the light I am the darkness
I can be care or be heartless
I am the real you!
You do what I do!

(Roar)
(Your mine!)
If you feel anger I will make you evil!
If you feel right I make you the light!
I am your conscience!
I could even make you life full of nonsense!
It doesn’t matter what you are!
It matters what I am!
But no matter what I make you to do!
Every night for you, I will bleed!
That’s my deed!
Don’t betray your conscience!
Or I will betray you!

(Calm)
I am the cleaning of your sins
I am the right and wrong
I am the spirit of your minded song
Every night for you I will bleed

(If you will rob or kill)
(Even later you will pay still)
(Don’t betray your conscience)
(Or I will maybe lie)
(I can drive you mad in of to die)
(Knowing that for you I will still bleed)

I am the cleaning of your sins
I am the right and wrong
I am the spirit of your minded song
Every night for you I will bleed

I am the cleaning of your sins
I am the right and wrong
I am the spirit of your minded song
Every night for you I will bleed

(Roar)
The Image of me is the picture of you!
The picture of you is the image of me!
We are like bothers!
We are the same!
That’s how we came!
But no matter what we do!
For you I will bleed!

I am the cleaning of your sins
I am the right and wrong
I am the spirit of your minded song
Every night for you I will bleed


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Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:22 pm
thedelphinater wrote a review...



Pretty good, except for a few little errors:

If you feel rite I make you the light!

"Rite" is supposed to be spelt "right." Rite is more in the sense of magic or a rite of passage;

I could even make you life full of nonsense!

I think you meant your, or a a life full, because at the moment it doesn't make much sense.

(If I will be strong in of I will make you berry yourself up the churches hill)

"Berry" should be bury. And the "in of" doesn't make much sense either. I think that might be a typo or something, so I would go back and rewrite it.

The flow and the rhyming needs a bit of work as well. It's not bad, just needs to be cleaned up a bit.





You sound like you're becoming emotionally involved with the custard.
— Nikki Morgan