Crime Grows
The devil rides at night
The people live in fright
As the women cry
The children get shot and die
The heroin is injected
You are officially infected
They will give kid a cigarette it has the nicotine
Kids get addicted kill for it when
They are just a young teen!!! (Stretch)
The crime grows
Then we blame the government to be our foes
Then a thing is born called terrorism
It could even become racism
It infects the world
(DRUM SOLO)
As people get shot and killed
The anger gets filled
Maybe at school
When that murder was a lonely kid you called him a fool
Can’t we see or are we blind?
The criminals who we hate
Are created by us
Next thing you know
The kid you laughed at blow’s up a school bus!!!
Can’t we follow the path that God wants to?
We are all filled in anger only not a few!!!
The heroin is injected
You are officially infected
They will give kid a cigarette it has the nicotine
Kids get addicted kill for it when
They are just a young teen!!! (Stretch)
(Guitar and bass solo)
You are a drug free!!!
Become what you want be
Before it’s late
When a man comes and gives you marijuana
Stand up for your self and scream
Hey stop this damn drama!
Don’t let this shit
Ruin your life a bit
Complete your dreams!
The crime grows
Then we blame the government to be our foes
Then a thing is born called terrorism
It could even become racism
It infects the world
One day God will rise
The day of the judgment will be born
You won’t feel sublime
After you committed your crime
The good people will shine
If you won’t you will have to define
Now you did kill
Gave 'ol satan a thrill
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,527 Literary Works • 673,392 Reviews
I want to have a band. When I am going to move back to Finland I will try to make a band with Lord Anzius
I actually really like this as it is, even though some of the suggestions would add to it more. Did you write this for a band you are in or just for the pleasure of writing this? It actually sounds like a real song, it works well, and although in some places it is a little cliche it dosen't pull away from it too much, so well done, keep writing!
All the best,
Meevs
x
Now you did kill
Gave 'ol satan a thrill
Now you did kill
And it's killing you still
Those are some suggestions. The idea is okay, but I personally didn't find this very well executed. You sacrificed rhythm a lot just to get the idea across and the lines were either unpoetic or unoriginally stated. You did have your moments here, I liked bits of the chorus, but overall I guess just not my thing.
Still, keep writing. You obviously have some fans and improvement takes practice so good luck!
How about:
Maybe you did kill
I guess you got to pay the devil's bill
or
Maybe you did kill
Now you got to pay the devil's bill
I don't know if that sounds any better to you or what.
But besides that forced rhyme/what would seem like a cramming of words into a phrase, it's great :]
It's got a nice deep meaning behind it.
Great work!!!!!
But this part I think you should reconsider:
Why not:
Are created by us
Next thing you know
The kid you laughed at blow’s up a school bus!!!
sounds a bit forced... not bad, forced
It's ok, But I don't know what should I then put insted of:
Maybe you did kill
I guess you will have to pay the devil a bill
Okay, I really really really liked this. It was really deep and it just makes so much sense. I especially liked the first few lines. They rocked.
This rhyme seemed a little bit forced in my opinion.
Otherwise, this was really great. I can totally imagine this song on the radio.
Sorry if the review was too short.
Good work,
Nariel