Yet its still love

by jolene15

Published May 30, 2013

E - Everyone

In Poems

You hurt me yet its still love I feel,
Is it the sparkle in your eyes when you look at me?
Is it the way you lick your lips after your done talking? 
Maybe its the way you bit your lip when your done smiling,
Wait I think I have it,
Is it the way you hold me close and tell me you love me?
No you hurt me destroyed me,
ripped out my heart and stepped all over it,
yet its still love to me,
so hurt and destroyed from the past do I dare to give it another shot?
The sparkle in your eyes,
you holding me close,
you telling me you love me,
the way you bit and lick your lips,
I enjoy that all so much, 
You hurting, destroying and ripping my heart out and stepping all over it,
is all the things I hate,
YET ITS STILL LOVE to me!

 


Comments & reviews · 5
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TheSybarite
Comment
TheSybarite commented Comment · Jun 6, 2013

Beautiful thought behind the poem. There are a few grammar mistakes here and there. But apart from that, it is a good one. The theme and the idea is developed nicely. I can feel the words. Good work!

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dark
Review
dark wrote a review Review · Jun 1, 2013

Hmm, another one stanza love poem. I don't know what to make of this since I can't break it up much. I like that a lot. You have no idea how much more interesting a poem becomes when it's harder too decifer and analyze.
A few grammar mistakes here and there.
First: "Maybe it's the way you bit your lib after your done talking." That's not grammatically correct. It should be, "Maybe it's the way you hire your lip when you're done talking."
Also, "The ay you bit and like your lips" should be, " the way you bite and lick your lips."
Just a few minor blemishes here and there. That's fine. :)
~Dark.

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Deanz
Review
Deanz wrote a review Review · May 31, 2013

Love is not limited by the cruel act of taking advantage .. Which you have made clear in this poem .

I personally found beauty in your words . Only to admit that the same thing happened to me .

This is the kind of poem that lessons should be taken from . We, as women ,should not be taken advantage of by men .

An honest poem with great morals!

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Lumi
Review
Lumi wrote a review Review · May 31, 2013

I will be brief.

Your thoughts are clear and concise, and you measure out the contested feeling of stockholm love in a very elementary way that doesn't pressure the reader to dissect. That being said, your form is very prone to whiplash and boredom. Essentially, I personally wouldn't come back to read this piece again because it was that good. And that can be fine. The point I want to make is this:

What is your purpose in writing?

Is it catharsis? Or do you write for an audience, to someone or for something? This piece you've given me lacks a voice, and that's a high crime for poets because, in the end, all you have is your voice and words. So put this to a test.

Say you had to say this without stating your emotion flat-out. No "you tore out my heart," no "it is love" or "ripping out my heart." What you need to do is find the right amount of standard to your poetry. Does that make sense? Focus less on how you feel, and more on how those feelings appear. Emotional writing is a good thing, but only if you can be objective.

I write because I enjoy it. I like the poem the way it is sorry for your hate towards it but its staying the way it is.

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cj2344
Review
cj2344 wrote a review Review · May 30, 2013

Hi! I'm just going to jump right into some grammar mistakes I noticed and see where it goes from there :).

" you hurt me, yet its still love I feel,

There should be an apostrophe in it's because you're using a contraction, not possession.

"Is it the way you lick your lips after your done talking?

And the 2nd "your" should be you're, because you're saying you are as opposed to possession.

"No you hurt me destroyed me,

There should be a comma between me and destroyed because you're starting another idea+ you'd take a pause if you were speaking.

"yet its still love to me

again, "it's", not "its" because you're not using possession.

"so hurt and destroyed from the past do I dare to give it another shot?

I loved this line, but I'd say, "do I dare give it another shot?". It sounds smoother, and fits the rhythm you have going.

"you holding me close,
you telling me you love me,

Just a little grammar quirk, but, gerunds (verbs with -ing) are, in fact, nouns. So you have to use the possessive form because you wouldn't, for example, say "you mug" (mug being a noun as well), you would say "your mug". Therefore, you must say "your holding me close". But I don't know you can override this with creative license without criticism, just thought you'd like to know.

"I enjoy that all so much

I think this should be "I enjoy all that so much", but you may mean something else by that line than what I got from it.

"is all the things I hate

this should be "are all the things I hate" because your predicate is "things" which is plural, and you always use "are" for the plural.

"YET ITS STILL LOVE to me!

again, "it's", not "its".

Now for some literary criticism:
I really liked the idea of this poem. I think that if you corrected some of the grammar it would sound a lot better. The "plot", for lack of a better word, is interesting and it kept me hooked throughout the poem. You described things fairly well, however I suggest you find some stronger words to phrase what you want to say. It gives the reader a better picture.
Over all nice job on this and I can't wait to see some more of your work!
Keep writing!



There is no quiet. There is only Doc McStuffins.
— Ron Swanson